Shepherding a Child's Heart (Part 4) | Ep. 108

Are you ready to tackle the tough journey called parenting? Come along as we navigate this challenging terrain, armed with biblical principles and a spirit of perseverance. Discover the profound influence that communication, discipline, and clear goal-setting can have on your child's spiritual development. We dive deep into how to implement biblical methods of communication, emphasizing a consistent discipline approach. And we'll explore the role these strategies play in nurturing well-behaved kids and fostering their psychological adjustment.

Ever wondered what the secret to immediate obedience is? The key lies in minimal speech to young ones and gradual discipline build-up. We delve into how consistency in discipline plays a vital role in honing your child's intrinsic conviction and repentance. We stress that parents must respect their own authorities, setting an example of obedience for their children to mirror. 

Finally, we reflect on the profound impact of parental influence on a child's life and the essential role of discipline and communication. We discuss the blessing, safety, and long life that can result from staying within the circle of parental authority. Remember, obedience is not just a parent-child issue - it's a matter between the child and God. 

This journey is a marathon, not a sprint, and perseverance is the key. Join us as we unravel these truths together to prepare you for the rewarding challenge that is parenting.

Transcript

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 0:03

The vision received was that of blood cells traveling throughout the body, supplying the much needed oxygen and other nutrients to the differing members of the body to fulfill their purpose. Once the blood cells are spent, they must return back to the heart to be refilled before being sent out again and fulfill their purpose. So we talked about goals, right? Previously before we talked short term, long term goals. So these are some of the goals that we talked about to just kind of give you some practical, because I know we mentioned it before, but we're trying to give you some practical tidbits which you'll find in the book, but since you're listening to the podcast, you might as well get it from us. Some of the goals that we have were first, developmental of or development sorry, not developmental, but development of special skills.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 0:56

And so we were taught in our previous fellowship that you don't want to be just good at one thing, academics. You want to have music, athletics. You want it. You know a good spray of different things that you were good at, because some of them you're going to be naturally inclined to Like. God gifted you with this talent for music, so you're going to excel at that. But if that's the only thing you knew you would have never made or had the experiences you had as being an athlete and kind of hanging out with those kind of people, even though it wasn't always great. But you had that experience to where you feel confident that, hey, if I needed to go out and play and be active, involved, you know, with brothers and sisters, you feel comfortable with that. Whereas if you never did any sports at all you might not ever feel comfortable with engaging in any type of recreational activity that had to do with sports. If all you did was music and who hangs around doing music all the time? Nobody does. But we wanted you to be involved in different things, so we had development of athletics.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 2:07

If it was dance I know you did dance when you were young right, ballet, I don't think any of you did that or piano. You did Oh, that's right, that's right. In Florida, yeah, you did, you did praise and worship dance.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 2:19

Yes, Yes. So we did do that. We did a psychological adjustment. Again, knowing where you were bent personality-wise, we wanted to create or not create, but kind of have some goals for each of you to meet. Obviously, one of our goals was that our children would be saved. I mean clearly, yeah, we want our children to be saved. We wanted, we instituted worship, family worship, in our home. You guys were always listening to music. We always had music on.

Patricia: 2:51

We were always praising too. That was part of our work Yeah praise and worship.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 2:56

We wanted well-behaved children. I mean, that's a goal. You know where we could go out and know that we're not going to be embarrassed by your behavior. But actually that and it's not because we wanted praise, but we wanted a positive- godly influence outside through, through y'all.

Patricia: 3:19

It's not what people expect from work. There's excuses of like they're in this stage, so that's how they are. We always had people waiting for the shoe to drop.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 3:29

No, you always had to catch 22. On, one side, on one side of the coin, they're saying, wow, they're so well-behaved. On the other side of the coin man, you're so strict. Why do you think they're so well-behaved?

Patricia: 3:41

That's they go hand in hand. And then you'd always have the just you wait, just you wait till. Oh yeah, I can't tell you how many times I had to hear the just you wait till.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 3:52

But how many times do we have a conversation and I kept telling you I think I remember telling you this I said, wait, 20 years from now I'll compare my kids 20 years from now from their kids 20 years from now And then, and then I won't have to say anything And that's come to fruition. I don't think you, I don't do you remember me kind of sharing that idea, concept with you? I don't see it now, but in 20 years there'll be a vast difference, and we've seen that with some of the people that we've hung around previously. So we made goals about good education, about control or self-control, rejecting things that are abhorrent to God, and that's meaning the cultural influences. We wanted to not seed in you things that we knew that we're going to bring about your carnality or just activated, you know, carnal stuff in you. So every parent must develop a child, in a child, the spiritual, biblical worldview that is going to make them successful in the Lord as they walk with him. They need to learn that they are creatures made in the image of God, fallen, yes, but nevertheless they are still made for God and they can find their, they can be redeemed by the Lord. They will find themselves meaning purpose only when they find themselves in God. Our biblical counsel must lead our children to entrust themselves to God's word, his care, his protection, and that a combination of his word and revelation directs the child's heart to God, not to rely on self or man. And all of these good goals, we need to highlight the biblical principles that apply to them. That's what we we definitely tried to do. Now there are these implementing biblical methods of communication. God's word informed us of what goals we wanted to set for you, so we wanted to make them practical, but they were also spiritual, but also of the methods that we used. So that biblical approach.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 6:11

We've already read Proverbs 23, 13 through 19, about not withholding correction from a child, about delivering the soul from hell. We may not have read the next verse, but I'll read it. My son, if thine heart be wise, my heart shall rejoice, even mine, yea, my reign shall rejoice when thy lips speak right things. Let thine heart envy, let not thy heart envy, sinners, but be thou in the fear of the Lord. How long, all the day long, for surely there is an end and thine expectations shall not be cut off. Here, thou, my son, and be wise and guide thine heart in the way.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 6:56

This is in Proverbs. This is wisdom crying out and trying to reach out to people that will have a heart to hear and listen. And so then it says in verse 22, harken unto thy father that begot thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old. That's honoring your father and mother. Proverbs 23 26, My son, give thine heart and let thine eyes observe my ways.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 7:27

Now again, this is wisdom crying out to Israel, but it can easily be applied, because he was the shepherd of Israel. It could easily be applied to parents that are shepherding their children, beseeching them. Listen to your father, listen to your mother. Don't resent them because they're older than you or because you're younger than them, maybe faster than them, maybe more quick-witted than them.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 7:50

But all of that, the methods, are number one, the rod of correction. Number two is an open-hearted communication. I can't emphasize that enough. It's not merely about the external and the disciplining. It's having those heart-to-heart talks about your children in a talking and a listening manner. There's a dialogue going. It's not about you just talk to your children. You talk to your children, so you talk with your children And talking with your children, meaning you're not talking down to them, but you're trying to have a dialogue with them in order to help them reason to a recognition of the things that are going on in their heart. So parents have to develop this fine art of communication, learning to draw the thoughts of another, and we need to help our children articulate their thoughts and their feelings, because sometimes they can't even put in words what's going on in their heart.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 8:52

When children are little, we fail to engage them in significant conversations. Why? Because it's easier. It's easier to just say something and be done with it, not wait for a response from your child, not try to have a dialogue about it. It's easier to just say to your child blub, blub, blub, blub and that's it. It's a lot longer, it takes longer, it's more involved to actually dialogue with your child and try to get a significant conversation going. You know, and sometimes our children they answer with the uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh and they don't want to have a dialogue about it because they're probably just upset, that they just got paddled and they don't wanna hear you or listen to you. But sometimes you gotta come back later, when things have settled, when the dust has settled, and then have the conversation. So sometimes we had to learn that. Sometimes we wanted to talk about it right in the moment. No, sometimes you gotta kind of let it go aside and kind of come back to it later on. If we're not interested in them when they're young, if we don't care really what they think or what they have to say when they're young I'm saying it to all the listeners here what do you think is gonna happen when they become adolescents or teenagers? If you have been kind of ignoring their thoughts and feelings on different matters, or maybe you've been ignoring their questions where they were really wanting to understand why, why, why, if you've been doing it for 13 years of their life and then they become teenagers, if you haven't been listening to them, they're not gonna wanna listen to you. So you wanna have those engaging conversations because later on you're gonna reap the fruit of that. The tables are gonna turn.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 10:56

Our focus as parents, when we're engaging with our children in these dialogues, is to really understand what's going on in their heart. What are they struggling with? What are their weaknesses? God will give you discernment if you ask him on what is your son or daughter really struggling with? Maybe they're struggling with an d you didn't know the way that they look, how they look to themselves. Maybe they're comparing themselves to their friends. You know, there's a myriad of things that I could probably come up with that would take me too long.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 11:31

But that's where we, as parents, are going to reap the most out of this method of parenting, where we're dialoguing with our children to help them establish a paradigm of a biblical worldview, a spiritual worldview, the why what is done is more important to understand than what was done.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 12:00

What does that mean? Help your child understand what was the temptation to them, what was it that tempted them? That's really important for them in the future, for if they recognize what tempts them, what you know, even in my older age, one of the reasons I recognize is that I may be me more short, curt, brash if I'm tired. I recognize that about myself And so I try to be more aware of it so that I don't do that when I am tired or communicate that with another party and let them know that, so maybe they don't say or do something in the moment that I'm struggling with that And we have to do that for our children. And then, what was his response or her response to that temptation to help them, you know, understand what would have been the better way to respond. What have been the more appropriate way to respond?

Patricia: 13:01

Yeah, an alternative way rather than the better, because sometimes when you say the alternative, when they're talking about the alternative, then they realize, oh, that would have been a better way to do this without feeling like you you know you told them there was a better way. I don't know. I did want to make comments.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 13:20

Please.

Patricia: 13:21

Because you're talking, a lot about talking and communicating, and it is important.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 13:26

Yeah, because we had harped on with discipline.

Patricia: 13:28

But there are little, but there are people with little guys And I remember one of the things that we had some. Well, I had a relative who was also trying to instill shepherding their children, but they talked a lot when the kids were little And you and I would just look at each other like, okay, you're talking too much, Because you know, trying to reason with them.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 13:49

They don't have the cognitive maturity to be able to handle all of that conversation And trying to get their child to draw out of them That's a good point Things that we're talking about developmentally.

Patricia: 14:00

At that time it wasn't as feasible. So when they're little little, they have to learn the.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 14:07

Immediate obedience. The immediate obedience part.

Patricia: 14:10

And then you still talk to them, but at a very minimal level and I think he showed a chart like less talking, more disciplining, and then as they grow older, more talking, less disciplining. You know, because eventually you want the communication to the discipline to become intrinsic in them, where they have the conviction and the repentance and response rather than, oh, I'm gonna get a paddle, and there comes a time when they're just too old or they're older and it's harder to really do the paddling part. So that's one thing. And the other thing I wanted to bring up, because I might forget, is that one of the reasons why people discipline and anger is because they are inconsistent with their child. So they're letting things build up And then at a given moment they snap.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 15:03

Like a volcano Huh.

Patricia: 15:05

Like a volcano Like a volcano. So to you know, if you recognize that, first of all, the conviction has to come to you as a parent that wants your child, does the no, like you said, don't do that, and they do it anyway, or they say no to you or whatever the sign of rebellion and their little heart I don't care how old they are and how cute they are That is a moment that you have to stop what you're doing and address it, because if you let it go because you're tired, you don't want to deal with it, and then they continue, you might let it go, and then its gonna build-up, and then you're gonna blow up and then you're disciplining in anger and then it's more about you frustrated me rather than right.

Patricia: 15:49

Hey, that you just, you know, you just kind of you put yourself in danger because you disregarded instruction that was meant to protect you or have a structure or whatever. And then finally, moms, because I did talk to moms when I did this. We have to be yielded and submitted to our husbands, or husbands need to be acting right with their bosses or with people that are in authority over them. So like, if we're driving and we're speeding and you know, we're kind of demonstrating to them that maybe they might, you know, you make a comment or you call a policeman a cop. I remember I used to have such a problem saying cop.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 16:31

Yeah, i remember the kids, because I never understood that personally, because I grew up on cops what you go to do, what you gonna do when they come, because there have been such a just what we call them well, because there had been such a disrespect of police officers and that was one of the ways that it was addressed in there in their youth.

Patricia: 16:52

So it was trying to teach them like no, their authority, you know, trying to give a more proper name of what they were and instilling in them that if there are the rules, if we disregard the rules, and we have to be willing to take the consequence if we get caught, and, but they should see us walking in submission, being consistent, standing our ground when well-meaning people around us are trying to derail something that we're trying to do with them. Because people will do that, the enemy will get in people's hearts to do that, the flesh will do that. We always think we know better than someone else, but we really need to understand that what we're teaching them is not about them obeying us. It's ultimately them obeying God.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 17:40

Amen.

Patricia: 17:40

And you know that was. I know you said that, but even at a little level, that part is yeah, you're this is, you have to do this.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 17:48

Well, going back to the first statement you made, that it's important to understand, that we're not trying to tell you, we're not trying to counsel anyone on what they need to do at a certain age with their child. We're trying to give you an overview. And so when we give this overview of shepherding and child's heart, that get you to understand the biblical principles that are underlying our parenting, our method of parenting, our ways of communicating. So if you do get the book, it's written in two parts. The first part is just a, a summary of Biblical principles, and then part two is shepherding through the stages of childhood, and it takes you through stages. The first is infancy to childhood, the next Continues on as they grow older and then it ends with teenagers. So it does give you some practical Applications in the book that we're not going over. So when I say we have to do a lot of talking, yeah, well, you do a lot of talking based upon the, the maturity level of the child. There's a lot less talking going on when they're very young. But again, if you implement this when they're very young, you're going to get the obedience. So you should get a lot less of the, the negative results of not parenting or disciplining correctly when they're young And so that allow you to engage in more Healthy Conversations as they grow older and as they mature, that that conversation that you're having with child should Be more in-depth as they're growing older. But when they're young we're talking about toddlers, one, two. They need to understand yes and no and and if they don't, then You, you bring in what's necessary. So I'm glad you brought that out because that that is important. And again to me, the companion book that will also help you bring out some practical ways of Instructing your children is boundaries with kids. That also takes you through The differing stages that your kids might be going through. So if you have teenagers, there's probably a section in there for teenagers, and if you have younger children of different areas, both of those books are very good for you to get more in-depth practical applications.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 20:17

So as we come to the, to nearing the end of this section, the methods that we are, that we implemented in shepherding a child's heart kind of goes in this. You know, cycle rules, correction, discipline. Once those rules have been established and You might give a couple of corrective measures, continue having the issue. Then discipline might resolve. It's not immediately straight to discipline. You're trying to, to establish parameters in which they they Function in and then they learn how to function in that. And then if it becomes more of a rebelliousness, then that's when you bring in the discipline. Now, along the way, you're encouraging, you're correcting, you're rebuking, you're in treating, you're giving instruction, warning, you're teaching and on your own, you're praying, and sometimes you're praying with them.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 21:16

But all of this is not only Disciplining your children, it's you Discipling your children and that's what we have to embrace and understand. We are Discipling our children in the ways of the Lord. So shepherding a child's heart helps them understand themselves. It helps them understand God's word, his works, his ways, how sin works in their heart and how the gospel of Jesus Christ can meet their deepest needs, in other words, how Jesus can help rescue and save and redeem them. So as Parents, we got to count the cost. It is Eternally more important that we sacrifice our own pleasures for the sake of their future then to put that aside and and not Commit to them like we should commit to them in honesty, being thorough, being biblical in our communication. It takes a lot, but we have to do it. The quality conversations not only take up quality time. They take up quantity time. They take up time. We have to recognize that The time requires flexibility, because if they don't share their hearts on a demand schedule In other words, when you want them to share your heart, their heart they're not going to do it on demand. And Since they're not going to do it on demand, we as parents have to be flexible. We have to be flexible because there are times where your son or your daughter Is going to come at you at a moment that you were not expecting and If you're too distracted and busy With something else that's going on in your life, you might miss that opportunity To talk with them when they're ready to talk with you. So you have to be aware of that.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 23:25

Now, one thing that this book brought out that I want to kind of discuss with you verbally, even though it was given to us as a visual image. It talks about the relationship or the interaction between authority in a child's life and influence in a child's life. And if you can imagine, you're looking at a chart that has a big X on it. So kind of imagine there's a big X, so at the bottom left there's a line that's going up to the top right. Okay, the bottom left to the top right is one part of the X and that line represents influence. Then you have the other part of the X that goes from the top left to the bottom right. That line represents authority, and so across the bottom part is basically the age of your child. As they grow from zero to adulthood, the authority is up above, it's at the top in that child's life It's all about authority, authority, authority. But as that child grows and as they mature and as they develop, your authority lessens more and more because they're becoming adults.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 24:46

Okay. But what changes? and this is important because if you can properly instill these principles as a parent early on, then what happens in later on in their life, it's not so much the authority that you have over them, because that has diminished over time. What increases during all that time is your influence in their life. That, in their latter days, is going to be incredibly important that your influence when you speak, they heed. When you speak, they listen, they don't just put it aside. Your influence over all the years because you've instilled in them that you've always shepherded them to direct them to the Lord, Jesus Christ, to direct them toward the things that are going to be beneficial for them now and in the future. That impact over the first 18, 25 years of their life is going to be remembered. And because it's going to be so well remembered when you're older and they're older, it's your influence of speaking into their life that they're going to heed more than your authority, because that will have diminished. So I thought that was an important thing that he did brought up.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 26:19

He does talk about the circle of blessing And I think we've touched upon that in this particular podcast, and that goes back to Ephesians 6, 1 through 11. Children are to live within the circle of submission to parental authority. That submission to parents means they honoring and they're obeying. In the circle, things go well and we have long life. If we remain in the circle of honoring and obeying our parents, this circle of submission to parental authority, then we're good, we're safe, we're going to thrive, we're going to have long life, we're going to have promises fulfilled. But if we go outside that circle of submission to parental authority, we're going to find difficulty, we're going to find hardship because we're being disobedient. And if children can grasp that understanding that if they remain under the shadow of His wings they will be blessed, they will be cared for, they will be protected when they were attacked and didn't know they were getting attacked. But when they walk out from under that submission they're basically saying God, no, I want to do it my way. And when you do it your way, you run the risk of suffering the consequences for what it means to do it your way.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 27:48

As we discipline our children, remember it's about quickly restoring the child to a proper relationship with God and with you. The function of the rod and the communication is to rescue them. That should be our perspective on this. How can we see our children in danger and not attempt to rescue them? That's why the scripture says if you withhold the rod from a child, you hate him, because to love him is to go out and rescue him from his own folly, because he's your child.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 28:28

The most important lesson for children to learn and this is what we were about to talk about, or we talked about it that my wife brought up about there's varying ways to communicate and discipline as our children grow up. So the most important lesson for children to learn from infancy meaning from zero to about four to about five is that he is an individual under authority. A child has been made by God and has a responsibility to obey God in all things. That's why obedience, immediate obedience, is the most important thing to teach your child between the ages of zero and five. Honoring their parents, to treat them with respect, to esteem them, because they are in the position that they've been placed in by God, their creator, and their parents creator. If a child is going to honor his parents, we must train him how to do that. Parents must be honorable in conduct and demeanor, but children need to understand how do they speak with you. Obey, honoring and obeying child doing what they're told to do, and that that came with the three things that my wife was bringing about. If a child learns to obey correctly, they're going to do it without challenge. That means without murmuring, without complaining, without grumbling, without griping. They're going to do it without excuse and they're going to do it without delay.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 29:58

The important point is that submission to authority means that your child will have to do things that he or she does not wish to do, and they got to get used to that because when they go out in the real world, they're going to end up doing things that they don't normally want to do. Consistency is the key. If a child must obey, any disobedience must be challenged and we need, as parents, we need to persevere in that confrontation in that challenging of your authority. We must persevere until the submission the lesson of submission is learned. I mean, he said in the book, victory will not come to the faint of heart. It's not going to come to the one that's going to just say, oh, this is too much trouble, this is not worth it, it's not going to happen.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 31:06

Remember that obedience to parents is not a parent-child issue. It is, first and foremost, an issue between the child and his Creator, in which parents are God's agents in drawing the child back to within that circle of blessing. So very early, from zero to five, the rod and the communication are important, but it's more so the rod. And then the communication progresses and it gets greater and grander as the child matures and grows up. So childhood, say between five and 12 years of age. We are now building on that foundation of obedience, but if it has never been established before and you're starting later on, you've got to start with the obedience. Character between the ages of five and 12 becomes the focal point. We want our children to learn dependability, honesty, kindness, consideration, helpfulness, diligence, loyalty, humility, self-control, moral purity, because these are all these are. We do that by emphasizing the issues of the heart, but this is how they're expressed when we do this correctly.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 32:29

So your child has a relationship with God that he's got to work on. Your child has a relationship with himself that he needs to work on, and then he's got a relationship with other people that he needs to work on. Those are the three perspectives that children have the relationship between them and God, the relationship between them and themselves. How do they treat themselves? how do they love themselves, and then how does the child relate to others?

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 32:58

So if the description between the relationship between child and God is is your child living in a conscious need for God? What is the content of his relationship with God? Is he pursuing after him? Is he hungering after him? Is he thirsting after him? Is he longing to know this Creator that he can't see or she can't see? Is he concerned to know and love God? Is God a source of strength, comfort and help? That's where we come in. We have countless examples in our lives where certain things have happened to you guys and we had to tell you hey, we got no control over this, we got to pray to God and that God would make a way. The first one I think of is the Bible Bee. We didn't have any means to get you all there. We just said, Lydia, you're going to have to pray because I don't know how we can afford this. But God made a way. We used that teachable moment to direct you to pray and ask God to make a way for you where we didn't see a way at the time.

Patricia: 34:00

You know what's funny about that? I don't remember me being so convicted about it. It's Mom that remembers that, because it made an impression on her.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 34:08

That's true. I don't remember how, don Ho, i was about to say She had so much faith.

Patricia: 34:13

She had a dream and I was like how are we not going to? We've been trying to teach them about walking out in faith, How are we not going to support that? And so we did something out of our comfort zone to We prayed. We did something out of our comfort zone which we'd neither one of us liked to write letters and ask people to give donations but we did And God just abundantly blessed us through that. Even having a brother in Washington, where we were going, petitioned his church people that didn't even know us to take a collection to pay for our parking, it was a testimony to her, but it was a testimony to us as a whole family. You know of God and how God provided and losing keys, and that you know Mom telling you guys okay, we got to pray.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 35:02

She would, she still does now.

Patricia: 35:05

She'll pray for parking when I'm in the car with her and we'll find a parking and she'll thank God for that. But I remember she would do that She'd be praying as we were going through the parking lot and a grocery store asking for parking things like that And I described that as developing a God consciousness.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 35:23

The scripture says acknowledge God in all your ways. It literally means acknowledge Him at all times for everything.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 35:31

And He will make sure your paths, he will bring provision. So, in this perspective between the child and God you're looking at, does your child make the choices that reflect knowing God? Does your child move in God's ways And in His truth? are they alive to spiritual realities? Do they acknowledge the spiritual realities? Do they talk to God? How do they talk to God? How do they think about God? Do they think of God as a friend, that He's a judge, that He's a helper, that He's a taskmaster? These are all the things that are in that relationship between the child and God.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 36:07

But the questions that we ask ourselves when we're looking at our children in their relationship between them and themselves, is what we're saying is how do they think about themselves? Do they understand themselves and the type of person that they are? Are they aware of their strengths? Are they aware of their weaknesses? Are they aware of or do they understand the type of personality that they have? Are they shy? Are they confident? Are they assertive? Are they arrogant? Are they indifferent? Are they chained by fears? Can they extend themselves to others? These are the questions about the relationship between your child and himself. And then some questions we have about your child and others is what are our child's relationships? How do they interact with others? Are they controlling or are they always being controlled? One I'm going to add to it is are they leaders or are they followers? How do they respond when they are sinned against.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 37:22

A lot of times our children, because of their youth. They respond Obviously, they're hurt, they're wounded, but then they get wrathful and arrogant and they become hardened And some of them draw even closer and then they become even more shy, more you know I don't want to deal with other people And we have got to be aware of that. We got to watch for that, especially if our children are going to school. You can see that more often if you're homeschooling, if your children are going to private school or public school. That's something you've got to be even more tuned in.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 37:56

Because there's so much that can happen in an eight to ten hour day that you're not around and that they will never ever tell you about. So in discipline, we focus on the heart. Let's not so much focus on when and what, but most importantly the why. Our children need a heart change, like everybody in this world needs. Everyone has fallen short of the glory of God, everyone is a sinner and we need our hearts circumcised by the Spirit of God. That change in heart brings the conviction of sin. Conviction of sin comes through our conscience being renewed and retrained. So we have to appeal to their conscience as we're retraining their conscience, because the conscience has fallen And we got to get to the root issues by dealing with the conscience.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 38:53

And then there is a section on teenagers. What do we want our children to have? The three things that we listed are number one we want the teenagers to have a fear of the Lord. They have to have a healthy fear of the Lord. Number two they have to still continue adhere to the parental instruction. I mean, you talk with anybody in this world, in America today. Oh, those dreaded adolescent years. Why are they so dreaded? Because that's when they stop adhering to parental instruction and becomes a battle. Sometimes it's a war in the house.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 39:31

Proverbs 1:8,9, as a reminder, says listen my son to your father's instruction and for sake do not for sake, excuse me, your mother's teaching They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck. So the parents relationship of the child still needs to be honest. And then the third thing that we want for our children, especially a teenager, is because this is where they fall into a major trap And sometimes it takes many years for them to get out of is they need to dissociate from the wicked and their evil doings. And it's in that age that they really go into that And a lot of times it continues on into college and universities and they come back a completely different person. So Proverbs 1:10.

Patricia: 40:25

What does that say My son, if sinners bore, you do not be willing.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 40:30

Yeah, and. I mean I always remember Psalms, was it one one and one two?

Patricia: 40:38

The other man. The man who does not cancel the ungodly or walk in the way of some let her go for it. Well, this is because you're going for it. We want to go for it, go for bl essed is the man who does not sit in the seat of the ungodly or walking.

Patricia: 41:00

Well, I might have done that wrong. Now I'm, so I have it. Let's say it is the man who has not walked in the council of the ungodly and has not stood in the way of sinners and has not sat in the seat of the scornful, but his.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 41:14

Hold on, hold on there. That number one is where adolescents fall. Those three things, what were they again?

Patricia: 41:22

Walking in the council of the ungodly standing in the way of sinners.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 41:26

That doesn't mean like you're in their way, but when sinners, they have a certain way about them and you stand with them in that way. That's what it means Not like you're an obstacle to them.

Patricia: 41:37

And then the third sitting in the seat of the scornful When everybody's scorning.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 41:41

You sit and rest in that and you do the same. That's what they end up doing in adolescence. But, go ahead.

Patricia: 41:48

Delight is the law of the Lord, and in his law does he meditate, day and night. That's right.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 41:54

That's where maturity comes into play and you start realizing what's really important. But in teenagers it's hard because they fall under the spirit of comparison, constantly comparing themselves to others, and they're always missing out on this, always missing out on that. I think you have something, is this? it Pretty much. I mean, that's a pretty Extensive and thorough summary of shepherding a child's heart. So hopefully you've, guys, received at least some something of value in listening to this. But again, the value doesn't come into really the hearing. I'm sure there's a lot of good stuff that you heard, but it really isn't valuable until you implement it.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 42:44

And I think, for some of us that are listening to this podcast, you may need to just purchase the book and really read it and go over with your husband and your wife and really work at implementing these things found in shepherding a child's heart and in boundaries with kids, so that you can be. It's not even about you be successful. It's about so that you can make sure that your child is going to go in the way that he should go, which is after Jesus Christ. That's really the ultimate goal. Thus is the ministry of our father's heart through us. Our utmost desire is to be in the father's heart, to know the father's heart and express the father's heart to you.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 43:27

If you appreciate listening to this podcast, and we're blessed, pass it along to someone else by text, email or word of mouth in the hopes that they might be positively impacted, as you were. If you are interested in supporting our efforts, we would ask you to consider the following One, pray for us. Two, leave a positive rating or review with whomever you listen to our podcast with. And three, if you desire to contribute monetarily, you can do so at paypalme slash J Ben Jesus or cash app dollar sign J Ben Jesus or Venmo J Ben Jesus. That's J Ben J-E-S-U-S. God bless.