Topics for Young Adults part 3 (Relationships 1) | Ep. 82

In this episode of Our Father's Heart, our special guests share their testimonies in regard to relationships, dating and courtship, pornography, and masturbation. What do you do to avoid falling? What do you do when you have fallen?

Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life. (Pro 4:23)

We pray that you will also find wisdom in our exchanges on how to apply the principles of God to our present-day affairs. It is essential to have these conversations with our own at home before they go out into the world because they will be exposed and need to know how and why to stand in the righteousness and truth.

Please visit Our Father's Heart for more information and if you would like to support our efforts you can do so through Paypal, Cash App ($jbenjesus), or Venmo (@jbenjesus). 

Transcript

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j - Jesus M. Ruiz 0:03

The vision receives that the blood cells traveling throughout the body to find the much-needed oxygen and other nutrients to the differing members of the body to fulfill their purpose. Once the blood cells are spent, they must return back to the heart to be refilled before being sent out again and fulfill their purpose. So, oh boy. I'm gonna hit the well for me it's a green area here. Um not children, young adults want to uh get a better grasp of uh relationships, courting versus dating. And then another one that was brought up to us in this uh topic list that was given to me. Feeling the need for sexual release, sleeping with people and what if sex isn't good when you do get married? I love I look at these and I say, man. That last one's like that's so naive. But you know, let's address it, let's address it. Let's address it. Um what have you learned in your experience, Brother Malachi? Recently married?

SPEAKER_02 1:24

Well, give some backstory. Yeah. For Amber and I, this is our first relationship ever. We never in our whole lives.

SPEAKER_01 1:32

And wow.

SPEAKER_02 1:34

First, it was our first kiss on our wedding day. Um first time having sex on our wedding night, everything.

unknown 1:42

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 1:43

So you never hold hands with anyone before.

SPEAKER_04 1:59

Eighth grade, okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:00

I don't know, but Malica, stop. The whole point is that um our experience was unique in that something we both wanted in different man in different ways. She has her own way of saying it, is that um we didn't want to, you know, mess around with other people knowing what we had as the goal. And so um for us, you know, dating wasn't just something you do, like, oh, gotta have a boyfriend, gotta have a girlfriend, that's what everybody else is doing, or something to do at the time, like in high school and college. For me, it didn't make sense people dated if they didn't know they were gonna get married. That makes sense to me. I couldn't rationalize that. So even my own relationships, as I was going through that, like I don't want to mess around with somebody who ultimately isn't gonna be my wife.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 2:53

So you did have other relationships.

SPEAKER_02 2:55

No, I'm saying, I'm saying in my mindset. Oh, okay. I'm saying in my mindset I'm saying. Because you said in my other relationships. I know, I know, I know. In my mindset. Clarifying for the rest. No, I mean in high school and college, you like, oh, you have crushes or whatever, but you didn't think anything of them. So like nothing came out of them. So it's just like I couldn't imagine relationships being birthed and then dying. And they never led to marriage, just that thought, because that is ultimately what it leads to. Um so what I've learned.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 3:29

Did you get that from your parents, or is that something from you?

SPEAKER_01 3:32

From Malachi's not one to waste his time or his money.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 3:36

Okay, so that's a personality thing for him. So it's not like you, your your dad taught you that or your mom taught you. It's just something that was just your personality thing, though.

SPEAKER_02 3:44

I I you know I learned from people's mistakes, my parents' mistakes. That's that's how I learned. So, like, if somebody else messed up, I don't have to mess up. Exactly. That's why. I don't want heartache, that's why. And you just there's just certain things that started getting to me like, I never kissed anybody. Do I want to be with somebody? That doesn't make sense to me. Like, why? Like, it's it's good that I'm a virgin, but I think I want to be with the virgin too, right? I that just that makes sense to me.

SPEAKER_01 4:13

And the funny thing was I was thinking the same things, but I knew it was more typical for the girl to go this route, and you know, guys do whatever, they don't have really have real consequences that are visible. But I was like, well, that'd be nice if my husband saved his first kiss, and that'd be nice if so.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 4:31

So the Lord is favorite to both of you in the desire of your heart, thank you.

SPEAKER_01 4:35

Oh, yeah.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 4:36

That's great.

SPEAKER_01 4:36

I prayed to the Lord. I said, Father, as I'm obedient to you, I'm believing that my very first boyfriend will be my only one. Because I didn't want what all the other girls had. Because I recognize, okay, it either ends in marriage or heartbreak. That's it. That's what I get. There's two options here. And some people might say, Oh, but you grow so much and there's so much to learn in a relationship. I wouldn't. But I would never say what we did should be the standard across the board. I wouldn't say that. That should be the expectation for Christians everywhere. For me, it it was a conviction that I felt from the Lord.

SPEAKER_02 5:19

I very much believe relationships. Romantic relationships should lead to marriage.

SPEAKER_01 5:25

Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:26

That is the standard for a believer. I I think you don't just have romantic relationships, friends with benefits, things like that. That's wrong. That's wrong scripture, that's fornication. Um anything you're tending to that can grow, and it's growing in a holy way according to the Lord, a relationship that flourishes in marriage, that's a good thing. He who finds a wife, find it a good thing. I found my good thing. That's how I know because that is something. It's a desire that the Lord gives you. It's good, it's holy, it's right, it's scripturally sound. Um and so that's like the only standard I can think of. Is that you going that route is like the only way. This casual dating. I don't like the world, does just like tender. I couldn't I can't fathom just tendering to find people. I'm not saying that's like a bad thing, but like people hook up on Tinder. Like people have all these experiences on dating apps, and what is Tinder face back? Yes, Tinder.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 6:32

Tinder Tinder is a dating app. There's plenty of dating kids. You probably thought you were saying Tender.

SPEAKER_04 6:36

No, we're Tender loving kids. Oh Tinder.

SPEAKER_02 6:42

There's just there's so much odd things in dating culture now.

SPEAKER_01 6:47

Like somebody DMing you.

SPEAKER_02 6:49

Yeah, like people.

SPEAKER_01 6:50

I DM'd you.

SPEAKER_02 6:51

No, no, no, no. There's so much new stuff in this society, like the idea of sexting. Oh, like casual sexing too. Yeah, when we were in high school, you would have sexed because then people send out all your stuff. Like, that was like the fear. But like now it's like normal. Like that's expected. Like you don't send me news, what? Like, that's expected now.

SPEAKER_05 7:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:17

Oh again, it didn't happen overnight.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 7:20

No. It was a gradual it was like a rarity, and now it's like everybody's I think that was related a lot to technology too. Yeah, it's given us a freedom that we don't seem to be mature enough to handle. I don't think we have your sponsor.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

Are we supposed to talk on courtship versus dating?

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 7:46

Anything! Whatever you want to do.

SPEAKER_01 7:48

I don't have the floor.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 7:49

Yeah, it's your floor.

SPEAKER_02 7:50

You can take it all the way through or skip apart and so that idea courting dating in my brain before. I equated them to the same because I kind of already rejected how the world was dating. It's a casual thing, it's not that serious. To me, courting was like dating to me. And that I knew I'm not gonna date somebody and it doesn't lead to marriage, which courtship ultimately leads to marriage. Um I know your views of it, you have it distinctly separate.

SPEAKER_01 8:25

I knew exactly what I wanted. Um, in terms of I knew I wanted to court, I recognized that there was a difference between the two, essentially being the intentionality behind courtship and also having your parents on board. That was really important to me. I was about to go date no boy, and my daddy didn't know him, didn't have a relationship with him or anything like that.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 8:45

Um, especially was that your personality or is that how you were taught?

SPEAKER_01 8:49

I was not taught any of this stuff.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 8:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 8:51

Honestly, I think I got most of what I ascertained from a large family that was on TV at the time. And I was like, oh my gosh. What?

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 9:04

Oh, okay, okay. A large family on TV.

SPEAKER_01 9:07

Yeah.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 9:07

I got you. Okay, okay. I heard something slightly different about it.

SPEAKER_01 9:13

Yeah, yes. Large a number, right? Okay, that's what we're saying. Okay.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 9:20

Now I'm thinking, gosh, what families? Like in my day and age. No, this is a real baby.

SPEAKER_02 9:28

You don't know the family.

SPEAKER_01 9:32

Um they were real they introduced this concept of courtship to me. I never heard about it. Okay. I was like, oh my gosh, that's super neat. Even like the whole waiting for certain aspects of a relationship to unfold until you were married. And so I was like, I want that. And I really think that the Lord used that, used them to minister to me. And I really just took hold of that and I ran with it. And I was called crazy throughout high school, asked if, like, oh, well, since you're not dating so and so and they like you, does that make you lesbian? All this other crazy stuff. Like, just because I'm not with somebody does not make me no, that's not the case. Um, but nevertheless, huh? Yeah. But I was really just believing that the Lord would um send me whoever it was that I was supposed to be with us. Here we are.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

Yeah. That's such a blessing to hear. Because, you know, y'all being young adults, it's very refreshing. I don't hear that a lot. That's very rare. Yeah. But it's refreshing to me because it is what God wants. And for young people to say, this is what the Lord laid on your heart, or this is what you thought about it, is a rarity. It's a diamond, you know, it's a gem. That I I wish that the that the people that are hearing this podcast will see how young you guys are. Um, that it it, you know, it's a message that needs to be resounded because I think the enemy is stealing and robbing and cheating people out of the lovely, beautiful that God wants. Even the reaction that some of my some of our children have had is been in different ways, you know, reacting to the the peers that they have in the situations that they've encountered, you know, and that that um the the stigma of being labeled um a lesbian because you're not or or or or being a virgin is a bad thing. If you're a guy and you're a oh my god, you know, that there's something wrong with you. So now the label is you're asexual, you know, because you I know, and it's like I'm thinking, what is wrong? But I think it's it's it's just the the culture that the in like my husband was saying, the technology, um, social media just putting so many bad ideas in people's minds, even Christians, to where they start wondering, well, what if I don't know how things are gonna be when I get married? I need to test the waters and make sure it's gonna be okay. Not understanding that the testing the water is like when Eve took the app, you know, not the apple, the fruit, and and then they broke covenant with God because that's not what God told them not to do that. So within the parameters of what God wants. I mean, for me, I came from the world and doing everything the wrong way to desire desiring a second chance with the Lord to do to have a family, and that was that was my my dream. That was um a desire that I had, and you know, it says, delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of my heart. I mean, it took seven years of walking with the Lord and feeling real lonely and real weird and battling and sometimes slipping and falling because once you open up um once you open up the the the sexual gate, it's very hard to close that. It doesn't matter what you desire to to supersede, it's very hard. But the Lord is faithful, and I know that for myself, um, you know, the Lord put Jay in my life because he me telling him everything that I had done in the past, and he sat there and said, Well, God told me you're a virtuous woman. I was like, What? What is this guy seeing? You know, it's just trying to disqualify myself, but it's uh it breaks me. I was telling Jay that this weekend I was overwhelmed with emotion as I think about what God has done in my life because I didn't deserve it. And but and and he gave me above and beyond what I could have even imagined. And when people told me that, I you know, I wanted to have the faith to believe it, but then you know, years go by, you're just like, well, I don't know about that word. Um, and I think about not just having a relationship that is godly, but then our children and getting to raise them in the faith and instilling uh Christian values. So I know when he and I spoke to each other, we both wanted to do things the right way. We wanted our marriage bed to be undefiled. I thought Jay was a eunuch in the church, like I thought he was committed to serving in the church. I remember when I told him that, he goes, Nope, I burn. I mean, something like some expression like that. I'm like, okay. Um, because he seemed so satisfied with serving in the church when I met him, you know, like just helping and setting up things and coordinating things, and um, he was the pastor's right-hand man in a sense, and I saw that, and he seemed to be very satisfied with that, you know, like, but anyway, that I think the enemy is trying to steal a beautiful thing and getting kids to, or college kids or young teens, to think that they're missing out, and all it does is um I tell the students, you taste this, and then you want something different. And then by the time you get to the point of where you really, you know, you're you're gonna have a relationship, you can't be satisfied with what God has for you because you have opened the gateway of every, you know, every expression of sex and lust, etc., that that can be open. So now you have people that don't know what they are anymore. You have, you know, you lusting after same same sex, uh, wanting to be a girl if you're a boy, and wanting to be a boy if you're a girl, or not knowing if you flow in different, you know, the fluidity, the it's just insane to me, but it's also, I think, a Pandora's box. It's the what the enemy wanted. Taste this, and I'll take you down this path. And there's no no holes barred. So I probably said more than I meant to, but um that's it's very awesome to hear y'all.

SPEAKER_01 16:23

I think the verse for me that stuck with me throughout all of my singlists that the Lord really just allowed me to cling to was Proverbs 4:23. And various versions obviously say different things, but the basis of it is above all else, guard your heart for everything you do, close from it. So, Lord, if I'm supposed to guard this heart, what does that look like? Um, you don't necessarily want all these different people in the heart, and so the vision that the Lord gave me whenever I would have a crush is are you okay with this person having space in what is supposed to be your home, Lord? And so I think if I'm like, dang, well, this person does this and he's not godly and all this other stuff. I'm like, he probably shouldn't have much space here, so help me. And so it is difficult, you know, when you're a young woman and you're like, oh, this person looks nice, and oh, he told me I looked cute and all this other like little people stuff.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 17:19

Or you imagine and fantasize what your children would believe.

SPEAKER_01 17:22

Listen, or what's your new last name gonna be, and all these other things. But you have to temper those things and say, okay, Lord, well, I know that it's a godly desire to once be married, but it needs to be in your timing, but it needs to be when you say so, and who you say it should be, and not me, because as Malachi referenced before, the heart is so very deceitful, and there's so many things that we can say, oh, that looks good, but that's not what the Lord actually desires for you. And I think what really solidified my stance on a lot of things is drawing closer to the Lord. Oh my word, just being in relationship with him. And I always thought Paul was super duper crazy. I think it's is it in 1 Corinthians 7 where Paul talks about the gift of singleness?

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 18:10

Yes, it's in 1 Corinthians.

SPEAKER_01 18:12

I know. And I'm like looking it up on the slide. But yes, 1 Corinthians chapter 7. And I always thought he was super duper crazy for saying like this was a gift, but the more I got a relationship, and I could just cry thinking about it, because there are times even now in marriage where I reflect on how good and faithful the Lord was, pardon me, during my singleness, and how close I was able to get with him. And so now I'm grateful because I can use those lessons even in marriage, because Paul speaks on it when he says, you know, as a single person, your heart is toward the things of the Lord. And as you're married, you know, your heart and the way you please God is gonna be for that man. And that was difficult for me at first. I'm like, oh, so I'm pleasing the Lord by pleasing him, like what all my well, not all my life, but for a large segment of my life, it was really just me and Jesus, Amber and Jesus, rocking. And it was a beautiful time. And so um, I'm just grateful for that season. And I encourage every young person out there who is not married because you are single if you are not married. If you're in a relationship and you're not married, guess what? Blah blah on your taxes, you are single. So that man that you are with, that woman that you are with, they are not your wife, they're not your husband. Do not give them husband and wife privileges. Do not do that. That is so anti-what the Lord says.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 19:39

That's anti-Christ, actually. Yes, it's in substitution of what Christ wills. That's anti-Christ. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 19:45

Because marriage relationships are supposed to be a reflection of Christ in the church.

SPEAKER_05 19:51

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 19:52

And the more believers view it as that, the more you take this stuff seriously. Yeah, it's not a game anymore. Um sure, when you're you're young and you haven't experienced things, sex might seem like the pinnacle of pinnacles and relationships, but you'll never guess that when you're married, way down the ladder. When you're married, there's more to marriage than just sex. When it's said and done, you have all these other hours of the day and you realize, man, I'm actually with this person. We're not just having sex. I have to talk to them, I have to get to know them. I get upset with them, they get upset at me. We argue. We have conflicts, we love each other, all these things, but before you're at that point, that's not what you think about. It's the butterflies in the stomach, it's oh my gosh, this person looks so good. Uh, this that and the third. Yeah, like it's the fantasy, but yeah. The reality is that it's more beautiful than your fantasy. And that somehow good isn't what is good to you. I think of scripture in Romans.

SPEAKER_01 21:17

What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_02 21:19

Um all things work together.

SPEAKER_01 21:21

No, for all things work together for the good of God. Those who love God who are called according to his good.

SPEAKER_02 21:28

The point is the good. It's not your good. It's not like a personal good, it's not what you thought of, contrived of, but it's much better than that because it's the will of the Lord. So to do things his way, husband and wife come together, one flesh. Sex is holy in that place and that place alone. Now it's good. Because you thought it was good because he said it was good. Even when he created man. And it was very good on that day. He had a purpose, he had a plan, and that when we abide in that, it's very good. Um I just reflect on how much like the world will try to kind of pervert that. Making it not a big deal. As we talked about the whole MTV thing, it's all this casualness. It it sensitizes you in that. Um our media now, our entertainment music. Music is sex-oriented. Even if it's like we had watched. What show did we watch on that show?

SPEAKER_05 22:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:43

We'd regret it after it.

SPEAKER_01 22:45

Squid Games?

SPEAKER_02 22:46

No, not Squid Games.

SPEAKER_01 22:48

It was O, I know it was. Ozark. Oh my word.

SPEAKER_02 22:51

We watched Ozark. And in retrospect, we repented. There's so much sexual scenes in it. And it's like, for what? For what reason? What meaningful part did it have to do with the plot? It had nothing to do with it. You could have eliminated it, and I still would have got the storyline, the plot line, and I would have enjoyed it. We would have enjoyed it. But they throw this in because it attracts people. Even if you're already married, you're in a relationship, they do it because humans, we get caught away in our own mind. And that's how it functions that sex sells. This is true. In every form of media. Even if you just research it, paintings back in the day, they had pornographic paintings back in the day.

SPEAKER_00 23:45

Yeah, they did.

SPEAKER_02 23:47

Um, I think even if you study like the pagans during Israel's time, sometimes the idols they would carve were sexual in nature. Obelisks. Obelisks, yes, are phallic structures. Yep. There's things like that that you don't realize, but back then it meant a lot.

SPEAKER_05 24:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:08

And that was how they got off. Like that, that is how they showed it. Um I think there's even uh a talk about um if you ever heard of Asherah Poles?

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 24:21

Asherah?

SPEAKER_02 24:23

Asherah. Like you remember the goddess Asherah in the Bible.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 24:27

But I don't know, I don't know anything about the poles. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 24:29

So one of the ways they would worship Asherah, they would have like these trees, right? These these groves. I think that's what it says in the Bible.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 24:36

Groves. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 24:37

Groves. Um I believe like some scholars think that um I think one of the queens at the time had defiled herself. And they were wondering, like, how. And it was the thought that these poles were a phallic thing, and she was doing a sex act. And and you just think about this, it's in the Bible too, and so it's like, this is a new stuff, nothing's new under the sun, but it's just so prevalent now. Like you're talking back then, if you had a leader do it, then you can only imagine how the country would have been. So now that it's just built within our DNA as society, that sex is normal, we just talk about it, um, all your experiences. It's not this sacred thing anymore. It's learning yourself. Oh, explore your sexuality. That's something they they tell you when you're single. Oh, so when you're in a relationship, you know what you like, and all this other stuff. And it's like, that's not biblical. I can't find that in the scriptures.

SPEAKER_01 25:39

I think that's a beautiful segue. Well, not beautiful, but it's a good segue in just feeling the need for a sexual release and what we're supposed to do. So Malachi and I will never profess to be like, oh, we got it all right. We got all of our gold stars, we're good noodles. We recognize that we are very much human. And so a pitfall that we both um fell into is masturbation and pornography. And so that's something that we had to take before the Lord, not together. This is like us in our own singleness. We don't know about I don't know about him dealing with it, I just know about me. It was something that I knew was wrong, but nobody really ever talked to me about it specifically. It was just more so, uh, I just kind of guessed that it fell under what category? Imagine immorality, sexuality sexual immorality. I just figured it was immortal. Immortal.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 26:33

Immortal is not immortal.

SPEAKER_01 26:38

It's kind of and so that was something where I was like, Lord, I don't know what I'm supposed to do because technically, the way like you kind of justify it is technically I'm not really doing anything, but no, this is still wrong.

SPEAKER_02 26:52

Yeah. Um that's a that's a big thing now.

SPEAKER_01 26:56

Um and it's normalized.

SPEAKER_02 26:58

They normalize it a lot. You see medical, social, like everything. Medical view. It's a normal thing. You should do it. That's that's that's what's being said. Socially, yeah, that's what you do. It's safe sex, whatever you want to say, you're not involved. The the issue is that it very much is sin. I know you you won't see a scripture that says thou shalt not masturbate. Like it's linked to lust. People want to try to eliminate it, it's linked. Sexual nature of humans is linked to us. It's not wrong. Having a sexual desire is not wrong. Right. It is how you steward it. Yeah, it is how you steward it completely, and that as believers, the onus is on us. Not that we don't have a feel for a need of a sexual use, but that if you're not married, that's not that's not for you. That's not pertaining to you. That is unlawful for you to say. But basically, it's like that is like a no-no. You don't you don't go there. Um and so as a young man dealing with that and as a believer, there's so much like anguish you would go through because you're like, Lord, I don't want to sin against you, and I'm still fighting this, and it's just like this unbeatable thing to deal with lust, and that it's not something you um it's not something that would just go away. As a human, you you have this um to make you abnormal, make you completely normal. Um and the way the Lord had to deal with me about that, you remind me, just like what I'm doing is wrong. Of course, you convict me in that. But even as I was thinking about, you know, having a wife and a relationship, even before getting a relationship with Amber, he had told me time and time again, you won't get one of my daughters if you're still doing this. And just the thought of that, like, dang Lord, I'm not messing around with women. One of your daughters is what I would want. I would want a virtuous woman. I would want, um, in my view, also, a virgin, because I was a virgin. But yet you're saying you won't even give me one if I'm still doing this. And so that's heavy to me because I don't want some lack of a better word, I don't want a whore, like I don't want a whore wife. Like, that's not who I am, that's not what I want. Lord, you you know what I want. So that's something I had to get out of my life. Not for the sake of just having a relationship, but my relationship with the Lord. If you have um secret sins, you have a stomach block, you have to get rid of it. If your right eye, I mean your right hand offends you, cut it off. If you right eye, pluck it out. It's that serious that there are things that will bring us down, pull us into the pit deeper and deeper, and that if we don't get rid of them, already gonna be the hole. There's no light, there's nothing to see, um, it's just darkness all around.

SPEAKER_01 30:05

So practically, what did that look like?

SPEAKER_02 30:08

For me, practically that meant of course getting rid of getting rid of the offended agent. So if you're looking at pornography, you have to stop. For many, that's an addiction. And so you have to replace addiction. And as a Christian, the way you replace addictions is by going into his presence. Things break when you're involved with God. Spiritually things fall off, scales fall off your eyes, things that you don't um you view things differently, and that the times that I was struggling, my relationship with the Lord really wasn't that intimate. But as I got more intimate with God, meaning I was spending quality time with him, I was waking up 4 or 5 a.m. praying, reading his word, um as a habitual thing. Because this had to be replaced in my life. You're talking about all the time that you were focusing on sex, lust, and things like that. And so that has to be consumed by something else. That I'm thinking about the Lord now. I'm thinking about his word, or I'm reading his word constantly, I'm listening to his word constantly, listening to worship music. And that's how the Lord would bring me out of that, and that the more time I spent with him, the more he would separate me from the things that would cause me to stumble.

SPEAKER_01 31:32

I think for me, two of the biggest lies that I believed was one, at first, I'm the only one. There's no way I knew it was something that men struggled with, but ain't no way there's women who struggle with this. I'm weird, I don't know what's happening. Um, so that was a lie. And then also, whenever I would fall, I might as well just stay fallen. Just stay there. And it there was a greater comfort in knowing, okay, well, this is just where I'm at. Um I'm supposed to be yours, Lord, but this is hard, and I'd rather just stay here. And I think that's one of the worst places you can be. So to anyone who has ever fallen in any sort of sexual sin or whatever have you, do not stay there. His word says in 2 Corinthians 5 17, therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creation. Behold, all things, excuse me, old things are passed away, all things are become new. And so you have, because of Christ, because of his blood, you are able to walk in the newness of life that is found in him. So, yes, you are going to fall, inevitably so. But the beautiful thing about being in a relationship with Christ is you don't have to stay there.

SPEAKER_00 32:46

And then I would just add that that's my testimony of you know, the I had some people in my life between becoming a Christian and waiting for the promise, I fell. Because I had desires, and again, you open up the the desire, you know, that desire is open, you can't take that back. But um, I was remembering what um Beta Umny said. That you can't Thetis I pronounce it wrong, it's okay. Um, that you cannot make a thought go away, I think is what she said. You can only replace it. So you were saying that, and you were saying, guard your heart. I can't tell you how many people in church told me that. You know, and then I feel so convicted. Guard your heart for out of it flow the issues of life. Um, and so, you know, as you said, it's important that people know they don't need to stay there. There's always forgiveness in God as you repent, and he will even help you out of the loop and the and the the temptation as you press in, as you were saying. And um, but there is an importance in guarding our heart, and then we go back to the music, the movies, the things that we watch, the things that we all the things that we do that open up our minds to the temptation that we have to be careful, the conversations we have with people, listening to other people. I think in college, you're listening to other people's adventures. When I was in middle school and high school, I used to get excited about all these girls that were doing all this stuff. I mean, I was it was so naive of me to think, oh God, they went and got drunk and were rolling in the, you know, in the beach with their boyfriends, and oh, that's so cool. And now I think, oh my god, these poor young children were so messed up when you know, God was I was so mad at my parents that they wouldn't let me do stuff like that, you know? And now I think, thank you, Lord, that you even, you know, you you gave me parents that they were Spanish strict with the daughter and protected, you know, I was protected somewhat for a while, and then I wasn't because I was like her, just determined to go do something that I wasn't allowed to do. So praise the Lord.

SPEAKER_01 35:01

And as you're speaking, I was just reminded of the verse in 1 Corinthians 10, um, and just knowing that there is a way of escape. It says, There hath no temptation taken you, but such as is common to man, but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able, will with the temptation, but will with the temptation, also make a way to escape that ye may be able to bear it.

SPEAKER_06 35:27

Do you have anything or no? A couple things, not too much, but in terms of learning from other people's mistakes, that's something I definitely resonate with. Um so oftentimes when I see my friends who make mistakes, I don't feel like I am qualified to tell them. Or it's like, even if I said anything, the immediate disqualification is like, well, you're single, you don't understand. Or you're not, you don't get it because you've never been in a relationship or something like that. But for me, common sense, I'm like you in that regard, dad. Um, just logic and common sense, but also just learning from others' mistakes. But it is scripturally backed. So in my house growing up, we knew thou shalt not commit adultery. That was no questions asked. Um, and we might, I don't think you, I don't know if you remember this, but you had us walk through the consequences as well of sexual morality in the Old Testament and how serious I remember, I took that to heart. I was like, wow, this is very serious. So for me, that was something not even in question. So, like you said, there have been crushes and stuff, but I would always like never would see myself married with this person. They are not a Christian. I would disqualify and I'd be over it pretty soon in comparison to a lot of my peers. Not everyone can say that, but for me, thank God that I was raised with parents who instilled that in me, that I was able to just get rid of any thought or anything in that regard, just be like, nope, that's not, he's not a Christian. I don't see myself married to this person, I'm only in high school, I need to figure my life out, like all of these things to combat those things. Um, but something I learned also in my own studies is in the Old Testament, these consequences quantas were very severe. That doesn't mean it was taken away in the New Testament. Sometimes I think, sometimes people think the Old Testament was for the old, and it's not necessarily echoed in the new. And that's something where I see a lot of Christians get like with regarding homosexuality, for example, it's like, well, that was an old testament thing. No, it wasn't. There was verses that addressed it in the New Testament, too. And so the same thing here, um, there was one that Jesus said explicitly in Matthew 5, where he gave a warning that if you lust after someone, you've already committed adultery in your heart with that person. I took that very seriously as well. And then 1 Corinthians 6, 9 through 20, just to paraphrase, the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God. And he gives a whole list, and that includes fornicators and adulterers. And our bodies are God's temple because he has bought us with a price and we are not our own. We said this verse earlier, but I applied it to this particular topic, and therefore we should flee fornication. The same sentence, sentiments are echoed in Galatians 5, 19 through 21 as well. And lastly, though, all that to say, sex isn't bad if it's inside marriage, because Hebrews 13:4, marriage is honorable and the bed undefiled, but fornicators and adulterers, God will judge. So, again, within the parameters of God, it is fine. But so many people do it outside of God and then try to bring God into it later, and that doesn't work very well in what I've seen. So for me, just logic points that I have. Sex outside of marriage is not how the Lord intended it, but it also brings about many complications. So the biggest one I've seen in watching my peers and friends is emotional attachment. It is so hard to watch them, so hard to watch and be like, this is not going to end well. There are some people I'm watching right now, and I'm like, this, I don't, I don't see it. And you can't tell them anything unless they're angry. That is the only time where they start asking the right questions. I'm like, yes, why are you doing this? Why are you doing wifely duties and you're not a wife? And why are you sacrificing so much here and there? Where that is a wife's thing or that is a husband's thing, but you're doing it outside of marriage. And therefore, even if it does work out, it's not sanctioned by God. And so again, I'm seeing a lot of problems arise after they I give it my thing, is like I give it two years, I wait two years. If I if I if you're still going after two years, okay, you proved me wrong. But most of the I can't recall a time where I was proven wrong on this, really, maybe once or twice. They're usually done within two years. Um, and that's from high school on. Um, another real thing that we have a problem with now in our society is abortion. Well, if you would follow the parameters of the Lord, you wouldn't be getting pregnant. But no one wants to consider that. It is so accessible now and it is so normalized that it's just like, okay, well, no, that's that's impossible basically to do. It's it's you need to think of contraception and birth control and all this stuff. And it's like, but that in the beginning it was not so. It was it wasn't that way. The idea was for the purpose of marriage, and outside of marriage, it was frowned upon. The Lord did not sanction it at all. There were harsh consequences, and even when those so-called consequences went away, he did not sanction it in the New Testament either. Um, and then for me, to me, the dating aspect and just the accessible sex outside of marriage, there's no commitment anymore. And why would you commit when you can get it so easily and freely now? It's not treasured, it's not valued anymore. And so so many people go in with this fantasy that Malachi and Amber were talking about. And once the fantasy fades away, once it wears off and reality hits them in the face, they're not ready because they didn't have the hard conversations, they did not put a foundation on God. Um, that's the first and foremost thing. Um, but you know, sometimes believers also stumble on that, and they've had to repent. And you and that's not to say God won't forgive that. He has forgiven that. We've seen it, the testimonies of people we know. But at the same time, that caused issues for them that they may not have anticipated later on in life, and that's for friends, peers, people I know, but just even from a distance. And so for me, um that's those are my reasons why just sex outside of marriage, it's not a good idea. It isn't, and even if you are a non-believer, you could even argue that logically. There's uh there's a specific psychologist dad I listened to. He had a whole lecture on if you live together before marriage, statistically, you're more likely to split up. At the end of that, you're not likely to stay together. And so, even logically, you can argue that this is not good for the long-term group. So, those are my words on that.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 42:39

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