Topics for Young Adults part 4 (Relationships 2) | Ep. 83

In this episode, we continue the conversation on relationships. We discuss the "dating of the world" today and how it contrasts with the complete lack of dating found in the scriptures. Since this is true, we discuss what biblical principles are found in the Word concerning holy relationships and explain how to properly apply them to our relationships, especially with respect to finding our future spouse. We also contrast the idea of dating with courtship and how when appropriately carried out, it can lead to a successful marriage and family, and the blessing & fulfillment that comes along with it when we obey God's Word and aptly apply His principles to our lives.

Transcript

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j - Jesus M. Ruiz 0:03

The vision received was that of blood cells traveling throughout the body, supplying the much-needed oxygen and other nutrients to the differing members of the body to fulfill their purpose. Once the blood cells are spent, they must return back to the heart to be refilled before being sent out again and fulfill their purpose. Well, my words or my thoughts on the matter they stem from the scriptures, but they also stem from experience. I can't I can't ignore or neglect uh experiences that I've had, and I'm pretty sure that my wife um we haven't had obviously the same experiences, but they've been so similar that it's caused us to do things in our in our family in order to protect that. So we both have had um before meeting each other, before you know ever getting married, previous um sexual experiences that made a a a clear and definitive impact on us that steered us in a direction that the enemy wanted us to go into. Um I wasn't a Christian at the time, but uh you know I've testified on on previous podcasts that I I had gone to Christian schools all my life, I considered myself a Christian, um, and during the 80s it became very popular to make a covenant that you were going to keep yourself pure before you get married. You were not going to have those relationships. And I was in Christian schools, I remember either hearing it at different things, probably saw it on TV, uh, and I remember vowing in my heart with the Lord I'm never going to do that. I am going to remain faithful, whatever. And I promised him, I promised the Lord that I wouldn't do that. And I ended up doing it. And it was through naivety, it was through weakness, it was through um, you know, the the person that gave us all of these topics, um they have this idea that they can sleep. Like be in bed and sleep with a person. And I don't mean sleep sexually, just sleep with them. And that that's okay, and there's nothing wrong with that. And me, being nearly a half a century uh alive, look back and think that is the most naive, most gullible, most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. But if I was in their position, I said the same thing. I said I would not cross this line. Told the person I was with, not crossing this line. I promise the Lord. And yet I found myself doing what they think they can do and not fall. And and it was just, it was really one of the most foolish things I've ever done. And then on top of that, we've had we've had inappropriate sexual experiences or or close to sexual experiences of like sexual abuse and stuff like that. And we brought that into our marriage having known that, and we were very, very adamant. We don't we want to protect our children from that because we understood that if they were to be exposed to something at a very young age, that that could jettison them off into a direction that the Lord did not want for them. So we were we tried to be very vigilant about not allowing any type of uh uh sex on TV, sex on the movies, uh, internet, tried to fuck this internet down when they got into their adolescence. What a battle that was. I don't even want to talk about that. But you know, we tried our best to do all these things. And if we saw a movie that was getting to a point, we would either fast forward it or just shut off the movie. You know, and obviously we weren't watching it with the kids at the time, but even as they got older, if there was a certain point where like, oh, we know where this is going forward, and we just skip it. And we just skip to okay, they're talking again, okay, and they've got their clothes on, okay, and so we move on. Um, so we always tried to do that because we understood the I mean, we said music has has a powerful, powerful influence. Sex is extremely powerful in the life of an individual. Um and so knowing that because of all the years of experience, it's very hard for which is why I wanted you two to talk and and and and and share on this podcast, because you know, when you're near a half a century, kids your age don't really want to listen to people because you're too old, you don't know what it's like, blah blah blah blah. You hear all the excuses, and you don't realize that there's nothing new under the sun. All of the sexual temptations you guys are having, we had them, we've been through it. We but we now are wiser about it, and we can now, you know, feed into you. And so I wanted to hear from a younger couple that and I'm so I I want to I want to tell you how much I appreciate your honesty uh and and sharing what you what you just say because you we've said it a couple times. Nobody talked to us about this. That's why I asked you, did you get that on yourself? Did your parents no? Nobody talked. Yeah, I went through the same thing, nobody talked to me about this, and it was hard to find anybody to try to talk uh uh about all of this. So I've got a lot to say about you know, and you kind of merged the two together, so I want to hit the dating and the dating uh situation. Um as I've looked at it, dating is not biblical. I look in the scriptures and I don't see any examples of dating in the scriptures, like the dating that we see today. So let me let me preface that or qualify that statement. We don't see dating like we do today in the Bible at all. To me, today's dating is a facade, it's a counterfeit of marriage. Dating gives the idea that this person, she's my girl. Or for the girl, that's my man. As if they were some sort of property, some sort of like I own them and they own me. No, you guys aren't even married. What are you talking about? Boyfriends and girlfriends, they didn't exist like they do today in the scriptures, and so today's dating, for the most part, and you brought it up about commitment. For me, it's a quasi-commitment. It's not really a commitment. You're a boyfriend, she's a girlfriend. You're not allowed to talk to other girls, and he's not allowed to talk to, or she's not allowed to talk to other guys. See what I'm saying? There's this exclusivity of each other. You as your relationship grows in in today's dating, you you play with the hands. You know, we in Spanish say no, oy, oye, no se juegan hermano. Para, para, you know, we say that in Spanish. And uh, you know, then there's tickling. You know, and tickling. Uh in today's dating, now don't think of yourselves, just think generally stereotypically, worldly dating has all of these things. You hold hands, no one's allowed to hold their hand. No one but you! Arm around the shoulder, arm on his waist, touching his love handles, touching the love handle, uh you might lie with your head down on their lap. She may sit on your lap. You got your first kiss, then there's kissing. This is all the evolving of the dating scene in today's world, and then you get pickies. You try to hide those, and the next thing you know, the hands are are are caressing certain areas where they should not be, and you know, you get your typical back of the car, steamy windows, because you're not gonna go home with your parents or anything like that, and you're alone with each other, no one else is around. What do you think is gonna happen? And what does that end up with? You you you you mentioned it. You're adults shacking together. That's usually what that type of dating scenes. Because if you're in it long enough after that two-year period, why does a man need to commit to a marriage? I'm getting everything I want right now. We're living together, uh, she's cleaning my bathroom, she's cleaning my house, you know, she's she's got a job, I've got a job, you know. I've got everything I need. What do I need to get married for? Why do I need to sign the dotted line? And so many men are fearful of that's gonna change everything. That's gonna change everything. The marriage is gonna change it all. No, no, no, no, no, no, this is good. We got we got a girl. Don't you aren't you happy? I'm happy, you happy, you know, and and and so they talk themselves into it, into this thing. And the dating of the world leads godly men and women. Godly men and women down a path where so many before them have failed and have fallen. So many, so many. And it is this dating that the enemy uses to delay and sometimes abort the fulfillment and the calling of God in that godly manner woman's life, that godly child of God. It puts the children of God, today's dating scene puts the children of God at risk and regular, unnecessary duress of temptation. Why? Why put yourself daily through that, constantly being tempted every time you're around your partner or they're around you to then sin? And so if you engage in this type of dating, you you inevitably will mar the image of Christ, both in yourself and in them. And in a prospective female's faith walk, when you dishonor her with these behaviors and actions before marriage, um it's not like you can't be redeemed, it's not like you can't um be saved or delivered from that, but there's got to be extreme repentance on your part if that's going to happen. Extreme repentance. And so the scripture you brought up earlier about Jeremiah 17, 9, that the heart is deceitful above all things. And most of the time in the dating scene, it's the heart of the individual that is leading them to do these things. Now, for the I will clarify this. For the person that is born again, I don't believe that the heart is desperately sick. I believe it's born again, it's a new creature in Christ. But if they don't have, and mostly the time people in the dating scene, especially a young youth, do not have the temperance, the self-control to let themselves be led of the spirit. They're not mature enough to do that, and so they end up not because their heart is desperately, but because they're flesh, they don't have control over it, they end up falling in that way for a separate reason. So I think that the scriptures have redefined um dating for the godly man, and I mean man generically, for the godly man and woman. From our from my experience and from what I've read in the scriptures, trying to apply principles. Principles. If we're gonna date, it should be with the idea that I'm really just collecting data right now. It's very logical, it's very rational, it's very manly. We think this way. I'm collecting data, I'm collecting information on you, on you, and you and you, and and and you know, if I see you that that you're prim, you're proper, you you like to dress well, or or or you're you're putting yourself, you're flaunting yourself on Instagram with your bikini and you're showing yourself out. I'm collecting all of that data. You may look fine, you may look gorgeous, but if I'm the godly man or woman, I'm looking at that and say, flag, red flag, red flag, red flag. Oh, that's okay. Good. And I'm collecting all this data because I want to figure out what type of woman or what type of man do I want, depending on your sex, okay? Um, and and there's no need for quasi-commitments during that stage. It's just you getting to know people, getting to know what people are like, getting to know, oh my god, there's so many married personalities in this world. I just need to get to know that, oh, there's this type of person and there's that. I mean, sometimes we compartmentalize them in this group and this group, and you know, you have your four types of personalities and all that. But even there, there's still nuances within those groups. So you you you just really have to get to know people in general. I think a general open friendship should be very, very important. And then what does it do? If if if it's right, if if it you know, if if all the checks are being checked marked, all the boxes are being checked, then it leads to courtship. But the dating wasn't a quasi-commitment, the dating was just you being friends. Why can't you? In today's day and age, it's almost like you can't be friends with people, you have to be tied to somebody. And it's like, no, you don't. And I have to keep telling some, you know, some uh, you know, my own children, it's okay to be friends with people. You don't have to be committed to that one person. Get to know the lot of them. And when I say get to know them, I'm just saying be friends. There's no sexual, you're not crossing any sexual lines with anybody. And then if that courtship passes that test, you lead to and you continue marriage. You can you conclude that that stage, but then you continue your relationship in marriage. And so that's wisdom. Wisdom, if it's the principal thing, then we should follow it accordingly. So friendship is when two or more people they walk together in agreement and accountability. If I'm friends with someone, it's because you know we agree on a lot of things, a good amount of things, but we're also holding each other accountable. That's why we're friends, because we can do that. There's an honesty, a genuineness in our friendship. And so we're learning and we're growing together as individuals and in the community of our friends, and they're seeing it. And if it's, you know, if we're doing it in the church and and we're we seem to be closer than other people might be, everyone in the church is holding us accountable. They're watching what we're doing, they're watching what we're saying and and how we're at, you know, with each other. And that's all a good thing because if it's of God, you want people watching you. You want you want people to say, hey, watch that, you know. You know, my my wife had to had to say something recently, uh, and I won't mention any names, you know, but they were going away. And they were gonna stay in a hotel, and they were going on a vacation. They weren't married. Oh, yo, you're playing with fire there, girl. Now she didn't say that. That's what I would have said. I'd say, girl, you're playing with fire. What are you doing? You know, more than fire. Yeah, you know, so we have to, in the in the body of Christ, we have to hold each other accountable together because it's not about I I want to tell you what to do. That's the last thing I want to tell anybody what to do. But if I love you enough, then I'm gonna put aside the fact that you may feel offended when I say this, but hey, I think you need to reconsider that. And there's a way to say that so that you're not, you know, coming directly out there and offending him. That's sometimes kind of hard for me. I'm not the type of person to beat around the bush, you know. I I try to, and it just I just seem to fail.

SPEAKER_02 16:43

Yeah.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 16:43

Yeah, it depends on your relationship with the person. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:46

Yeah.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 16:47

So courtship then follows as the next level of commitment, or it should. And that's where that in that courtship, now you're exclusively with each other. It's sort of like, you know, before Mary got Mary got married to Joseph, they were engaged. That's that courtship part. They weren't gonna hang out with anybody else, they weren't gonna have any of the relationship, and some of those friends that they had, you know, they kind of stopped talking with them as much because now they're kind of moving more toward that commitment. And so when you enter into that level of relationship where you're where it's courtship and you're you're kind of moving in the direction where you're one another's exclusively, and I have to say this, without the disallowed benefits found only in marriage. In other words, without the prohibition of things that are only applied to marriage. If you engage in those disallowed benefits that are found only in marriage, then you're running the risk of defiling and corrupting what once initially began as a holy endeavor. And so this level turns both parties consciously, both parties are constantly moving toward the agreed upon goal of a lifelong commitment in their marriage. And so this lays a foundation of that mutual commitment. You're preparing life together now, kind of preliminarily, um, after the ceremony of the covenant marriage is made before all men, and then you just continue in that same. This is where we're going, you know. So marriage is the means to the end, and what's the end? That you both, together as one flesh, are fulfilling God's purpose. And so I found out, which is right before I met my wife, because I had it, I had a girlfriend at the time, um, struggled for three years trying to get this relationship to work. And because she was supposedly also in the kingdom, you know, she was a child of God, and I felt like I was a child of God. Um, but our directions were always so far apart, and then we were dealing with the temptations of the carnality because we were, you know, boyfriend and girlfriend. I realized that you can be unequally yoked and both be in the kingdom. And I just learned that by experience. I thought that was, you know, that's you know, those are outside the kingdom and those that are inside. I thought that only applied there, but I realized no, it applies there and it can apply within the kingdom. And there's nothing wrong with that. That's the thing. There's nothing wrong if God is calling you in this direction to fulfill his will, and he's calling this other person in that direction to fulfill God's will, then go. But don't try to do it together because you're gonna end up you know conflicting with what God wants. So I've got some guidelines since we're trying to help out our young folk. Um so I want you to think about these things. And it's kind of like what I talked about the piercing and the tattoos. I'm gonna give you questions and I'm gonna ask you to think about these things. Is your potential spouse a member of the same family? And what I mean by that is the family of God.

SPEAKER_02 19:54

You can discard there. That was unbelievable.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 19:56

No, no, no. You can discard there. There's too many of our beloved brothers and sisters that are young that want a relationship so bad that they're willing to consider someone that is not even in the family of God.

SPEAKER_02 20:07

I thought you were talking about incest.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 20:09

Yeah, I know. No.

SPEAKER_02 20:11

No.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 20:12

Um I was so I'm good, I got your attention. That's good. So, like-minded folks usually fare better together. Uh there was a song in 1989, Opposites Attract, by Paula Abdul. I remember that opposites attract. Yeah, no. You you usually you have to be on the same page on a lot of things. Do you have common interests? Do you have common values? Do you agree on the essentials of living day-to-day goals in life, basic life issues? Do you enjoy just similar things together? You know, uh, I well, in our relationship early on, I was I was avidly into sports. Um, and and in order to get over that, she wasn't really into sports. But in order to get over that, uh there was a time where I would come home like after church, I'd watch football, and she'd be sleeping on my lap. She wasn't enjoying it with me. I got to have my football, she got to have a rest after. Nah, it wasn't about you being pregnant, it was about that you weren't really into the to the sports, and that's fine. We found a way to to uh accommodate uh that in each other. So it is said, now let me ask the women before you leave. Is it true that women fall in love and get married? What?

SPEAKER_01 21:33

Or what?

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 21:34

And men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Is that a true statement? That women fall in love and get married, but men on the other hand decide to get married and then they begin looking for a wife.

SPEAKER_02 21:48

Well, it's biblical because it says a man who finds a wife finds a good thing. So the man part. I'm not sure about the woman.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 21:55

Not sure about the woman part.

SPEAKER_02 21:56

No, no, no. Wait, say the woman one again.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 22:00

It is said that women, it is said, it's just a saying. It is women. It is said that women fall in love and then they get married. But men don't do that. They decide I want to get married and then they begin to go looking for a wife. It's just a saying.

SPEAKER_02 22:20

I'm not with it. Is that true?

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 22:25

That's not a one-size fit-all.

SPEAKER_02 22:27

Okay.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 22:28

Alright. So it's just a saying. We're gonna leave it at that. But the the thing that is clear is Proverbs, and you brought it up 1822 before. Who shall findeth the good wife? Findeth. Findeth the good thing and obtain the favor from the Lord. So number two. Most scriptures show men seeking after their spouse. Isaac, Samson, Jacob. I could probably string off some more. Women generally did not search out for their husbands. Generally. I can think of one, because I was just reading in uh Genesis. Um there was a particular woman that um she was married to one of Judah's sons.

SPEAKER_02 23:18

Oh, yeah, yeah. And he died. Oh, Tamar. Yeah, Tamar.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 23:22

And then Onan. He said, Listen, when my younger son grows up, I'm gonna give him over to you so that you can continue to see. He didn't he didn't uh fulfill that. He kind of uh forgot, not forgot about her, he he knew about her, but he just didn't do it for whatever reason. It didn't tell us the real reason why. But she then acted like a harlot and got with Judah and got with Judah, the father of oh gosh, what what an interesting story that was. But that's the only time I can think of a woman was actively seeking out their husband. All the other examples that I gave you about Isaac and and Samson, they were always looking for their wife, looking for their wife, seeking for their wife. So when I think about that, when you find a prospective candidate, I think it's incumbent upon the man to seek her out, to go after her. And and the principle that I that I think would apply to that, do you remember uh the parable of the kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field? When you find that treasure, you sell everything, you get after it. And I think that that that that could be applied to this idea. It also says that Jesus um that we loved him, why? Because he first loved us, he first showed his love toward us, he had his eye on us and he let us know it. And that's why we then reciprocated that love. So, in that same manner that Jesus first loved us, we should be sharing our love to that potential spouse first, letting them know they shouldn't have to be waiting. You know, we've known some states that you know the the prospective wife, then wife actually came to be was just like, eh, it's been a few years already, and he ain't said anything, he ain't asked me anything. I think I'm gonna be going back to my home state. You know, she she lives somewhere else, and we're like, no, relax, dude, wait. Because we already knew the other the other the other person, and we already knew that you know they had plans that just were just waiting for the right appropriate times. Not that they were delaying her and just making her wait and and stringing her along because that they there are some men that do that, they just string them along, you know, and they keep that you know that illegitimate relationship going. So I would also think that if you're considering on getting married, that you should have in the present moment that you're in, you should have the means to take care of yourself and your wife. I think that's incumbent upon the man that he should be situated where if he's going to get married, he should be ready to take on that added responsibility. He should. And if he's not ready for that, then maybe he needs to hold up. But Jesus is the standard to me of that. He's not gonna go and get married when he's not prepared, when he doesn't have everything ready. No, no, he's got everything ready. Now he's gonna go and bring her in. So another thing that, you know, as we're data collecting, as I said before, you want to kind of pay attention to the friends of that particular person that you're interested in. Because whether they like it or not, they kind of indicate something about that person that you're interested in. Uh, sometimes they reflect positively on that person, sometimes they reflect negatively on that person. Um, and sometimes they accurately identify the type of person that that person really is. Because if he likes hanging out with that person that's always drinking or always smoking or always cussing, and and he doesn't have a problem with that, that may be an issue. You know, you you need to think about that. So, and then how about your perspective mate? You should be doing the same thing on the other end. Um, if you're interested in a relationship with someone and you wanted to make it more seriously, you should be looking at, well, how does that person treat their mother? If you're the woman, how does that person treat their mother? What's their relationship like? How does she how does he treat her openly? How does uh he value her deep inside of his heart? Are there any unresolved issues between him and his mom? Because, like it or not, I I've seen this many times. You tend to bring in those issues into your relationship in your marriage if you have an issue with your mom. And the same thing the other way. If if the uh prospective wife has an issue with her father and they have contention, and and maybe they don't see eye to eye, maybe she's been rebelliously underneath his covering, she may bring that right into your relationship with you and not want to, you know, come underneath you uh in that respect. So again, all of this I'm treating as if I'm not talking to the world, I'm talking to our brothers and sisters in the church. Um your family, the family of the individual tends to communicate to your future wife what she may expect of you as you grow up and mature in your family together. Sometimes this the family dynamics of your spouse and how they relate to each other, if they were raised in that and that's what they know, they're probably gonna expect that that's the way their relationship, whether good or bad. Sometimes, I mean, hopefully it's good, but maybe you know, there's expectations that you know their father always did this for their mother, and they're the the the wife, they might tend to expect that that's gonna be the same way it's gonna be done, and maybe you're not like that. And it's not that it's a bad thing, it's just you're just not like that. It's a different personality, it's a different person. But she may come into it that relationship with those uh expectations. Expectations is a is a could be a very positive thing, it could also be a very hurtful thing, and her family will do the same. I think another question that you guys need to ask is before you you make your commitments, do you know what your calling is in life? Because if you don't know what you're called to do, called to be, you may not be ready because then taking on the responsibility of a relationship and caring that sometimes that gets in the way of you figuring out what does God want of me? Me. I'm alone individually, important to God in some manner or respect, and I need to know what that is first. And once I know what that is, then when I meet my prospective spouse, if you're the man, just like I said with my wife, I prayed one month prior to ever meeting her, um, the things that I wanted in a virtuous woman, but one of those things was because I got sick and tired of the the the uh the naivety in in the uh uh relationships. Um I wanted someone that was gonna come alongside me and wherever God was calling me to. Because I said one was going this way, one was going that way, and I was sick and tired of that. I felt like I was just being pulled apart. I wanted to follow after God, and this relationship was pulling me in a different direction. Not that she didn't want me to follow after God, I just felt torn and I didn't want that. So I want I wanted my spouse to come alongside me wherever I'm going. And I think as a man, they should all expect that. Because the the visions and the calling should be compatible. That's why I said if they're not compatible, she's a great woman of God, but she may not be yours, you know, for you. And you need to consider that. No matter how much your flesh, like, man, I think she's so pretty, she's so beautiful. And you're like, that's not all there is. Um, do you have a vision? Do you have a direction that you're firmly headed towards? And then how about your prospective mate? Does do they have a vision or perspective that they're heading towards? And I think men should remember that your wife should become your help in order to feel God's calling all your life. And if your callings are not compatible, that you may end up aborting both of what God wants in your life and in their life, just because you want your flesh now involved in it. Yeah, I want to be satisfied with that person. You should also think about, this is my number eight, you should also think about do you recognize patterns in your life? Maybe repeated cycles, mood swings, broken relationships. Do you see those patterns in your perspective, mate? You just told us you don't have any relationships, that's not too much to worry about. But, you know, I think generally speaking, most people have had a relationship of some kind beforehand. And uh, if it's been multiple relationships, why is there so many broken relationships? Why have you had five boyfriends? Why have you had six girlfriends? Are you ready personally? If you're the man, this is I was gearing this toward the man, are you ready personally to be the priest and leader in your home? Because if you're not, you shouldn't be thinking about marriage right now. You need to be firmly grounded in Christ, you need to know who you are in Him. And can your prospective spouse complement and enhance the talents and gifts God has given you? Can you also do the same for her? They've got to be compatible. Can you envision working together as a team to fulfill the will of God for you? Do your hearts beat for mutual causes? That was one thing we you know we found out a lot in our commonalities and interests. We we seem to have the same spiritual perspective of principles, uh, of things that were just foundational that helped us be able to endure and weather all the storms that that we have uh weathered over the years. Um think about number 11. This is before the uh the last one. Does pursuing your relationship with this person change who God has made you to be and the direction he's taking you in? Are you feeling pressure to perform in order to maintain this relationship? And are you putting pressure on them to conform in your time rather than God's time? Maybe she's not ready. And then my last one is do you understand as a man that you represent Christ to her? And you mentioned that earlier. That's it's that's vitally important to be understood. Kind of like a father represents God the Father to his children, the husband represents Christ unto the wife, the bride of Christ. And so your relationship should, like Jesus' relationship individually, leads us into a deeper, deeper, more intimate relationship with him. Our natural relationship with life should lead them into a deeper, more intimate relationship and richer relationship with Christ and not deter it. And many times you, and I speak to both both now, the husband and the wife, each other will be God's tangible, natural instrument for them to interact and relate more personally with Jesus. That's actually what's going to happen. And so I ended it with, you know, God Himself calculated the worth of your love and decided that it was worth his own life. So in sacrificing himself for you, he pledges to love you throughout all eternity. Jesus set that example in paying the ransom for his bride. So now I speak as the prospective wife. Well, shouldn't you, the child of God, shouldn't you be expecting that from your husband? That's exactly what you should be expecting from your husband. That she would be just like Jesus, that she that he would sacrifice everything for you. But at the same time, the man of God, are you ready to pay that price? If you go into a relationship in a marriage, you better count the cost. You you want to build a house, you you count the cost. Find out if you have the resources, find out if you have the building material, find out if you have the money for this, find out all the things you need to find out, and then make a decision. It can't be just, I forgot it was either you or or Victor Lauda said that love is not an emotion, it's a choice. There's an intentionality, and I think you spoke about it, but you didn't words the intentionality. But there's an intentionality that has to be behind this. It's not just, oh, I fell in love, it was just so romantic. And no, no. That that that's a fantasy we drum up in our mind, it gives us the butterflies and all of that stuff. But when you're married for 20 plus years, you realize that that fantasy left like a long time ago, and everything else was the foundation that was laid. That's gonna stand the test of time, that's gonna stand all of the weathers and the trials and the tribulations and all that. So that's what I had to say about Davy. Yes, go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 36:12

I I stepped away. So did you address that something that I tell all my girlfriends when they're talking about prospective husbands and stuff is are you ready to follow him? Because um there is no if, ands, or buts. We as women are supposed to submit to our husbands. They're the ones leading the charge and we're supposed to be following. Not to say that God doesn't say there's mutual um account uh mutual submission, because he does say submit yourselves one to another. But the role uh that I always ask my friends is that's not the person that you can follow, and you don't need to you don't need to be considering that relationship. Yeah, as they're supposed to submit.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 36:59

Yeah, I d uh You said it in different ways, but I did mention it. Yeah, they they both have to be ready to fulfill their obligations and responsibilities and of the divine covenant.

SPEAKER_02 37:09

It has to be a man of God. There's no advantage of us about that either.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz 37:15

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