Womanhood and Motherhood (Part 1) | Ep. 136

In the latest episode of our podcast, “Womanhood and Motherhood,” we delve into the multifaceted roles of women. Patricia shares her journey emphasizing the natural and spiritual significance of these roles while exploring how the nurturing role of a mother parallels the nurturing role of the Church, which brings forth the descendants of Jesus. She speaks on the spiritual responsibilities of women, highlighting the deep connections between family dynamics and faith communities. 

Patricia recaps her journey of seeking independence and encountering unforeseen challenges recounting her transformative move to the Dominican Republic and her return to the U.S.  These challenges bring her to a place of searching for God and, by the timely influence of a coworker, to start reading the Bible. She shares how the Book of James played a crucial role in her journey providing her with guidance and comfort, while Isaiah 54, in particular, brought hope and healing. 

The episode also explores the challenges and joys of raising energetic children, homeschooling, and living out biblical values amidst societal pressures. Patricia and I reflect on the trials of childbirth, the emotional ups and downs of parenting, and the enduring joy found in family life. Through personal anecdotes, we illustrate how homeschooling can be a means to instill biblical values in children, despite the challenges it presents.

This episode is a heartfelt reflection on the intertwined roles of womanhood, motherhood, and faith. Through personal stories and spiritual insights, Patricia and I aim to provide inspiration and strength to our listeners. Whether you are a mother, a woman of faith, or someone seeking spiritual growth, this episode offers valuable perspectives and encouragement. As we wrap up the episode, we emphasize the importance of cherishing the moment, especially during times of trials, pain, and struggles exemplifying how God's faithfulness can lead to greater delight than one can imagine. 

Chapters

• 0:03 Journey of Womanhood and Motherhood
• 9:12 Escape Into Unexpected Challenges
• 21:41 Finding Faith and Purpose
• 33:15 Reflections on Motherhood and Family
• 40:30 Faithful Reflections and Support

Transcript

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 0:03

The vision received was that of blood cells traveling throughout the body, supplying the much-needed oxygen and other nutrients to the differing members of the body to fulfill their purpose. Once the blood cells are spent, they must return back to the heart to be refilled before being sent out again and fulfill their purpose. Hello everyone, and welcome to Our Father's Heart. I am here with my wife. Patricia and we are happy that we are in the summertime, that we get to do this. Is there any reason why we don't do this more often?

Patricia Ruiz: 0:40

Because we're busy during the school year.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 0:43

And why is that?

Patricia Ruiz: 0:44

Because we have a lot of work.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 0:47

What do we do?

Patricia Ruiz: 0:48

We create curriculum and grade papers and all that stuff.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 0:53

You're talking about being a teacher. Yes, we are teachers. Teachers take a lot of time, yeah.

Patricia Ruiz: 0:58

There's no 40-hour work week with a teacher. That is not true. It's a fallacy.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 1:03

Especially for my wife, that's for sure. She puts in like 60 hour work weeks, but we didn't come here to talk about that. We came here to talk about womanhood and motherhood. This kind of idea came up because we have been prodded by I would say prodded by, I would say brothers and sisters who want to hear more from my wife, I guess because I do most of the teachings through our father's heart. But I like it because there's just some engagement that I can't have if I'm just doing a solitary teaching.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 1:39

I like to have the engagement and the different ideas and the thoughts and the perspectives. And you know I always tell the fellowship, where we're at right now, that I love to hear other people teach, because I want to hear, you know, what the Lord is saying to other people. Sometimes it's just confirming and it's very affirming to me to hear that what the Lord spoke to that person is something that he spoke to me and so that affirms me. Sometimes they have a particular perspective on a topic that I didn't really consider and it just helps us broaden our understanding of the Lord, and so I always like to hear that. So when I have these kind of engagements with you, I get to get from your perspective, not that I don't know your perspective, but I think I value your perspective enough that I think other people would be blessed to hear from your perspective, because it's sometimes radically different from mine but at the same time He's able to get us on the same page, to get us to walk together in agreement and all of those things.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 2:47

And I actually came out with this idea of womanhood, motherhood today. I didn't really have that title, but something prompted me on Mother's Day. I think it prompted both of us, something that was shared on Mother's Day, I think Sister Terry came in and ministered and she said something in particular about motherhood, or mother and the church, and it just it dawned on me because did you know the word Eve? What does it mean? Do you remember? I don't it's the mother of the living.

Patricia Ruiz: 3:27

Okay.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 3:30

And she brought that.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 3:31

she tried to connect that idea with the church and that the church is bringing forth the descendants of Jesus and I haven't really thought it all the way through and I haven't really thought it all the way through, but I thought what I could do was ask you, as a woman and a mother, what has the Lord brought you through? What has He taught you through these years that you have had a life? And this, this word hood, is the state of being a woman or state of being a mother. So I guess I mean, let me just kind of throw out some questions to you and we can go from there. You didn't decide to be a woman, did you?

Patricia Ruiz: 4:16

No, I was born a woman.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 4:18

Oh, because that's you know, that ruffles some feathers in our day. So that's not something you decided on. You were born a woman. You weren't designated or I kind of labeled a woman. No, no, you were just born a woman, so were you a woman?

Patricia Ruiz: 4:39

while you were in the womb, he fashioned me as a woman. That's what I was going to be born as.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 4:43

Right, but I guess what I'm saying is were you a woman after you were born or were you a woman while you were in the womb?

Patricia Ruiz: 4:49

I was a woman when I was conceived, because that's how the Lord made me. It says that he formed and fashioned me in my mother's womb.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 4:57

Okay, so you weren't labeled one. You were just born one, and as a woman did you always desire to be a mother?

Patricia Ruiz: 5:08

Um, no, Okay, I mean, I don't remember my childhood years. Um, I, I was an only girl in my family. I had two brothers when I was younger and then another one came along down, you know um a little bit further on when I was nine. So I was kind of, I always felt I was in the minority.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 5:33

In your house. You mean, yeah, in the States.

Patricia Ruiz: 5:37

Huh.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 5:38

In the States.

Patricia Ruiz: 5:38

Like the United States, you mean no in my home in my household, no, in my home in my household. And so I think the Lord reconciled that or you know, before I knew him, with just my trips to Dominican Republic. I had a lot of friends. I had a cousin Her name is Patricia also and we roomed together, so that was sort of a sister experience. And then I had some really close friends in my teens that made the trip to Dominican Republic with me a couple of times. So, God, always before I knew him, because I didn't know him during this time, before I knew him, he always blessed me with females.

Patricia Ruiz: 6:22

But I don't remember the longing for that till, probably till after I came to the Lord, and then that's when that longing came, when, when it seemed like it was I had I had, well, I there's a lot of things I could share and it's not necessary to.

Patricia Ruiz: 6:39

There were some decisions I made in my youth that caused me to lose some things that people have in their early 20s that I didn't.

Patricia Ruiz: 6:50

And so when I came to the Lord, I was very mourning, in a lot of mourning, about how I had conducted my life and I wanted a second chance. And so if I were going to tell you, when did the motherhood thing really hit me. It was at that time when I started reading the Bible and I started seeing what mothers were supposed to be and I said or, you know, like a Godly woman of raising up a family in the model of God. So I don't want to diss my mom. She did the best she could and she was a good mother. But there were a lot of things that I saw in the scriptures, that I saw in Christian families that I wanted. I wanted to have that, I wanted to have the opportunity because I felt like I had forfeited it and I asked the Lord to forgive me and give me another opportunity. So that was a prayer early on in my in my faith walk with God.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 7:46

Okay, so we've done previous podcasts where you've shared your testimony, your past and how you came to the Lord and all of that, but you're saying you don't want to do that now, cause I always think the testimony is important for everybody to appreciate where you are now it's it's it's good to know where you came from, to realize, wow, look at what God did.

Patricia Ruiz: 8:05

It's just kind of long, but basically I got married very young and I quit my college and I moved to Dominican Republic and I I tried to make something that was not good work for a long time.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 8:22

Um, was the reason why you got married young is because you wanted to be a mother, or that wasn't really what?

Patricia Ruiz: 8:27

no, I just was. I just thought I was in love with somebody and I wanted to be with them and and I didn't like the long distance thing, he was Dominican and I didn't like being far away. And so there was. There had to come a plate ahead to bridge that gap, and it was an emotional decision, uh, against all the advice that I was. You know I I broke my parents' heart, which I really was now, in hindsight, think that was really bad, that I did that. Um, because I did. I didn't let them know what my plans were. I just went for vacation and I never came back and I really yeah, yeah.

Patricia Ruiz: 9:05

I did. That was bad, but they you know they were good about rolling along with it. Once we got through all the hiccups, I had an aunt who was sort of a mediator, who took me under her wing and she was kind of mediating, but she had fought cancer. She had been with my parents for months, was she a relative. Yeah, she was my aunt. She was married to one of my father's brothers.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 9:30

So, wait a second, you were sent to DR on your regular summer trips to DR. I went.

Patricia Ruiz: 9:36

No, it actually wasn't even regular. I usually went in the summer. Wait, I did go in the summer. Yeah, no, I'm sorry, it was a regular summer, but I was already in college. So I was in the summer break and I was in a junior college and I was applying to the University of Texas in Austin and, you know, had made all the, the, the I was trying to think in Spanish had made all the, done all the paperwork and done all the processes to get in and I actually got accepted. So the idea was I was going to go spend my summer and then come back. But what I did was I knew I was going to do this I went, I got a job and then I just stayed on the job.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 10:16

When did you know you were going to do this? When you went to DR or before?

Patricia Ruiz: 10:19

When I went, I made that decision.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 10:23

So it wasn't thought about while you were in the States, in Texas.

Patricia Ruiz: 10:27

Yeah, well, that's what I'm saying. It was something that I thought about. There were problems in my house. I wanted to get away from it. I had tried to go to college. I ended up. I went away for a semester and then I ended up getting sort of enticed back because I my, the place I wanted to go to college was the university of Texas in Austin, and my mom was like, well, you're not going to go there if you stay in the one that I was at, Cause it was a four year college.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 10:51

They wanted you to change universities.

Patricia Ruiz: 10:53

Right, but if you know they didn't want me to change, they just said, if I wanted to go to UT Austin eventually, then I would have to come back to the live with them and do the junior college.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 11:04

Which is what you didn't want.

Patricia Ruiz: 11:06

I didn't know, because it just brought me back to things that I was sort of trying to get away from.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 11:11

So just to remind people that may or may not have listened. You were off on your own. For a semester Doing college on your, your own.

Patricia Ruiz: 11:17

You weren't with your family well, no, I I did come back. I came back and I was with my family for about a year and a half. I got a part-time job, okay, and I was doing junior college and, um I I also was in a relationship with someone who was in Dominican Republic so they knew that yeah, yeah, they I spent a lot of money on phone calls and stuff.

Patricia Ruiz: 11:38

My job basically was to pay for my phone bills because we didn't have cell phones and all the stuff we have now. But bottom line is I made that decision. I went to Dominican Republic, got a job in a hotel. You know I had favor because I knew English. So I worked in a tourist hotel you were bilingual resort hotel.

Patricia Ruiz: 12:00

Yes, um, the person who I worked with was she was sort of encouraging me in it because she also was a very independent kind of person, a little bit older than me not much a couple, maybe five or six years older than me and um, she helped me navigate and then I found out I could go to secretarial school, um and do the job, and so that's kind of what I did, um so you were in love yeah there was a, I mean I'm looking at all the varying factors.

Patricia Ruiz: 12:32

You were, quote end quote "I thought you saw stars.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 12:35

They were or not stars, but hearts they were twirling around your head. And you were poked and prodded by people, that what we would say right now is like yeah, that's an independent spirit.

Patricia Ruiz: 12:46

Yeah.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 12:46

And you wanted your independence. I did.

Patricia Ruiz: 12:49

I wanted independence, I wanted to get out from some things and that was the way I saw I could do that. But I went from the expression from the frying pan to the fire because it was pretty intense, you know, trying to have a relationship with someone who I don't even know if he graduated from high school. Honestly, he went to a military academy here and he told me he did, and then he got into college, sort of, because there was a relative. Like if I say too much I feel like I'm disclosing too much, but there was a relative and that was the dean of the university of the town where they grew up and where we lived. We lived in the backyard of the parents in a like a chateau that they had built, and so I wasn't independent. I now became sort of dependent on this other family.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 13:37

But you were independent from what you wanted to get out from under you did escape, but you didn't realize you escaped into another place of bondage so immediately into the relationship it was.

Patricia Ruiz: 13:49

I mean, I remember. I mean you know, you think about the things that you do. We were young and so we got married. It was a big party because everything, everything I think around him was he could dance and we party, you know, we would go do the Dominican partying, you know. And so we, we got married and we, we had a hotel in the Capitol and we lasted two nights and then we wanted to be back because it was around New Year's, it was December 29th. We wanted to be back with everybody. So we cut our honeymoon short and went back so we could go to this New Year's Eve party with everybody else. And so I mean, I just think about that now.

Patricia Ruiz: 14:27

Actually I had forgotten about that, but I remembered when I was talking and so, anyway, it was a battle, it was a struggle. You know, transportation I lost a lot of weight. I left my job in the hotel because I lived in a town that was 30 minutes away and it was getting hard. 30 minutes doesn't sound like a lot, but I didn't have a car, so I had to do like three buses to get to my job. And then lunchtime somebody would give me a ride from where I worked, which was a little bit of a ride to my grandparents to eat lunch you know the mid, mid-time thing and then I'd go back and then I'd have to take a bus back and you know, walk and it was.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 15:06

It was a lot, and so especially coming from you, were raised in America yeah, and so it's. So I think yeah, no AC right, sometimes I didn't have hot water first world country to an actual third world country.

Patricia Ruiz: 15:19

So, yeah, I was like and then when we lived with his parents it was, you know, his dad liked to hang out with friends at night and drink in the yard and then I was trying to sleep because I had to get up super early to go to work. So eventually we got this house, this little house, which I thought was really proud of the little house that we had, but it was a brick oven. In all honesty, it was pretty darn hot and I mean it was okay, we function. But during that time I got pregnant almost immediately after being married and I told my parents and it was like there was like no pause to make a decision my grandmother had just died, my dad's mom, there was all this stuff going on and I basically got whisked back to the United States and I had an abortion and I'm not proud of that.

Patricia Ruiz: 16:11

I struggled with that. It was very hard. And it was hard because I know my I think my dad didn't like what had happened and I felt like he withdrew from me. So that was hard. But the whole thing was hard. It was emotionally very difficult. And then I had physical problems after that never ending urinary tract infection, having to deal with that and then ending up having to come back to the States. Uh, probably two years into my marriage. I then ending up having to come back to the States, probably two years into my marriage. I'm thinking I had to come back to the States and stay here for a month and go through treatment because they couldn't clear it. Every time I would get put under medication, it would be fine, and then it would come back worse.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 16:50

And you didn't have this before that.

Patricia Ruiz: 16:52

I did not, and my boss talked to my father and just told him. You know, my boss was from South Africa and he told him my wife went through something like this and I I had to take her out and bring, take her to South Africa take her you. You need to take your daughter home and get her healed over there, because over here the medicine is.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 17:11

It's not going to happen there your boss in DR was telling your father to take her back to.

Patricia Ruiz: 17:16

To take me back home, to bring me back. So that was another period that was a little hard, because here I am, you know, trying to navigate, like prove to everyone that I'm going to make this work. And it was. You know, it was a bad thing because then my ex-husband was always very slippery and so I never knew what he was doing because I was gone all day, like I left at 5.30 in the morning and I didn't get home till 7.30 at night. Monday through Friday he was supposed to be in school. Then it turned out he wasn't really moving along and so I just reached a breaking point and I'm leaving out a lot of details, but I reached a breaking point and I decided my parents put an offer on the table that if I wanted to come home and finish my school they would help me. So I decided I would do that, and then I said and you make your decision, what you want to do and so eventually he followed me here to Texas my parents, we lived with them. That was hard. Then we lived in an apartment. That was hard. And so you know, my life just kept being like a roller coaster we do, okay, we fix things, we get going and then we slam dunk. But I did finish my college with my parents support and then my, and then we had our first major split. You know, he left me or he was involved with someone, or something like that happened. I moved in I was actually thinking about this because I was watching the news in Texas about the flooding.

Patricia Ruiz: 18:45

There was a girl that I worked with in a secretary. I graduated with psychology degree and I ended up working for an attorney and then that attorney joined back with a law firm and so I met some legal secretaries. Well, I never felt like a legitimate legal secretary because I wasn't. I was kind of learning on the on the fly, and that's kind of been the story of my life, all my life. And anyway, um, I got good at it.

Patricia Ruiz: 19:07

But she took me under her wing and she was married, had two kids, she had diabetes, so she had her challenges, but she was a very calm person and when she saw me struggling with all the things that I was struggling, she, she and her husband opened their house to me, and so there came a moment where I found out there was a woman and I left and I I skedaddled and I moved with them and I didn't even want to talk to my parents during that time Cause I you know, when I started to, when they started to help me, all they were doing was telling me stuff, and I remember I was really angry at them too, at my father, for judging, because, like well, you were like that too. So it was, it was messy. So at that time I got a therapist and that therapist helped me recognize all the stuff that I battled with in my life wasn't just that relationship, it was a lot of. He brought up a lot of things and I went through a lot of healing.

Patricia Ruiz: 20:06

And in the middle of all of that and I think I got that therapist because I was talking to another guy who who, uh, chris the ex, was talking to, and then he died. He was a really nice guy, he was so nice, he was just like one of the nicest people I've ever talked to. He would encourage me, very nice, but he died. So he had an associate and that's who I started talking to as a therapist and that person helped me a lot, get on my feet, make some decisions and then started a reconciliation process.

Patricia Ruiz: 20:39

But in the middle of all of that, me and Chris and I just said, I don't want to stay in Corpus Christi, which is where we were. I need a clean start. So I got a job in a law firm which is another battle a big law firm in Dallas, and I was at that job for five years. But the beginning was, you know, really hard. We repeated. It was, you know, like we reset and repeat, reset and repeat.

Patricia Ruiz: 21:06

So the repeat was he was supposed to be going to school, he was supposed to be doing this, he was supposed to be doing that, and bottom line is I was carrying the load, I was working 60 hours a week, Like really not because I'm a teacher, but I mean I was making really good money, but it was hard and so, um, my life, it it fell apart three years this is the repeat part. Three years he decides he's not happy. So now we're hitting nine years of marriage and it been like that. But this particular time I had really decided to make a go at it and try to make it work, and then it didn't.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 21:41

So and all of this is without God that was totally without. God, you were. Yeah, I mean.

Patricia Ruiz: 21:46

I mean I would go to church when I was in trouble Catholic church I would go, and I know that, like I go back and I look and I think, Lord, I didn't know you, but I knew to go look for you somewhere and and I would. And I was very sincere and I was always very drawn to music in church, Like it always touched me. I always listened to the lyrics. I always ended up in contemporary masses guitar or you know where they would do more upbeat worship and praise.

Patricia Ruiz: 22:16

And so there was a person at my job and I can never tell my story without mentioning her and without mentioning another person who is still someone I talk to a lot. But that person took note of me and God used her to grab my attention and that's my testimony that I don't want to repeat. But God did a lot of stuff. But in the middle of all of that, she gave me a Bible and and I was watching her and she didn't have, like you know, a bed of roses for her life, she was a mother and she was married to a vet and she wanted to be a

Patricia Ruiz: 22:49

You mean a Vietnam vet Okay and she wanted to be home. But you know he had the typical. He had some the issues that come with post-traumatic and he was reclusive. But for some reason he took a liking to me and he came out and she told me that he never comes out for anybody and he would talk to me. He would sit at the dinner table, he would talk to me about God. He told me to get out of the Catholic church. It was. We had really interesting conversations, but they basically adopted me, so every weekend I was going home with them, so I was really really, really lonely. And in all of that she was taking me to Bible study. She gave me my first Bible and so when I was reading the Bible, I started with James, which is interesting because I always loved James. My husband just did a podcast on James and I did a study on James and I remember shameless plug.

Patricia Ruiz: 23:38

it always reminds me like how much James ministered to me because I read the whole, the whole book. And I went back to my friend I'm like, well, what do I read next? And she I know she was probably so excited it was like whoa, this person just dropped in my lap. But but, to me I was being a pest. She was praying a lot for me and I went through a scare right before Chris left. I thought I was pregnant again and I was actually because of everything that was going on, I was contemplating having an abortion, a second time.

Patricia Ruiz: 24:10

Yeah, and she overheard the conversation. This I found out later on and she started praying for me and so I had all the symptoms. I had symptoms and stuff, and when I went to the doctor it was like no, you're not pregnant, I hadn't had a period, so that was another thing that I went through. And so all of that hit me real hard when I started reading the Bible and got not right away, I went to a I think I talked about this before. I went to a church and these women were praying on the day of the anniversary of Roe v Wade and they were wailing and sobbing and I was looking at my friend like what is their problem? Why are they doing that? Because the part of me that was pro-abortion, you know, you should have a right to choose. I it was warring inside my heart, but I remember something they said made me go up to the front for prayer. And then they started praying for me and this lady's, like honey, don't resist, Just let him have his way with you. And I fell back and I was sobbing and gut-wrenching sobbing, and I believe I went through deliverance that day without knowing what that means, Because my countenance changed, my spirit changed. I felt hopeful, I felt joy, and even though my problems hadn't been resolved, I was still, you know, in a better place.

Patricia Ruiz: 25:23

So as I was reading through the scriptures that was a long introduction I read Isaiah, and so I'm going to start with that. In Isaiah 54, and that's one of I keep saying they're all my favorite books I would cry my way through the scriptures, I would cry my way through Psalms and all those. But when I was reading Isaiah, this jumped out at me, and it was Isaiah 54, where it's a single bear, and thou that did is not bear. Because I so identified with that. I mean because I couldn't bear, but because of my choices. I did not have children, and people my age had children break forth into singing and cry aloud. Thou that didst not travail with child, for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, said the Lord. And so then he it went on to say enlarge the place of thy tent.

Patricia Ruiz: 26:12

And I thought, yes, you know, I mean I, you know, I held onto these things and fear not, for you're not going to be ashamed, because I had a lot of people telling me I was crazy. You know a lot of people in my life watching me do this Christian thing thought I had totally lost it, that they needed to rescue me. I was being indoctrinated, I was being brainwashed. Just y'all cannot imagine I was leaning on a crutch and it was and I would just say, well, okay, so I'm leaning on a crutch but it's making me happy. So what's the problem? You know, I know my aunt. Once I had an aunt who kind of defended me and she told my parents she's not out there drinking and doing all kinds of crazy stuff, she's trying to put her life together in a church. So why don't we just let her figure this out? So I do appreciate people that did that.

Patricia Ruiz: 26:56

And some people that had could not identify with my faith at all, supported me completely, Like my brother's ex-wife she was my sister-in-law at the time was very supportive, went to church with me a couple of times and just kept saying, you know, that she had seen a change. So I was getting the feedback. So that was the first scripture the Lord gave me. And then I know I was reading books and I was doing all kinds of stuff and one day I remember just completely falling apart in the middle of my living room and just crying and sobbing and saying, Lord, I have messed up my life so royally bad and I don't deserve another chance to fix it. But I really want to have the opportunity to be a mother. I want to well to be a wife and to be a mother and to have a family, like all these people in the church, to be a wife and to be a mother and to have a family, like all these people in the church, to have a family like the Bible. I want to do that. I want that opportunity.

Patricia Ruiz: 27:50

And all of that happened around the time that I was pursuing law school. You know, I went and I took all the classes and I did exceedingly well on the exam and I got scholarship offers from UM and some other places a place in Dallas and when I was getting the acceptance you know acceptance letters and offers and stuff and I was not happy and I asked the Lord why am I not happy? This is what I wanted. And I remember talking to my friend. She was very quiet because she didn't want me to be a lawyer. She knew I wouldn't be happy being a lawyer, but she didn't say anything, she just prayed. And then I realized, God, let me go through all that. He let me get all the desires of my heart to find out that's not really what I want, and so I let it go. And then I really got my family mad at me. That was when everything, like, really was bad, because all the plans I and the other part of it is if I went to law school, I was going to have to depend on my parents again, and I did not want that, if I'm going to be honest. So God, just and so then I decided I wanted to be a missionary, I mean so then I went to ministry school and I loved ministry school because I got to study the word even more and learn all about the Lord even more.

Patricia Ruiz: 29:04

And as I was graduating from ministry school, there was you know, they did this ceremony where a person they brought in, a prophet from out of town that did not know us to prophesy over us. And so I remember all these people were getting these really amazing prophecies and I was scared because I thought what is God going to say to me? What qualities do I have that's going to launch me off to do something, you know, whatever. And I really didn't want, I just wanted to hear God. I remember thinking and I was scared I wasn't going to. I was scared he was going to say no, I don't have anything for you. But I was so wrong. As soon as he started talking I started sobbing, and because I received everything he said, but one of, one of and I, you know, I had it recorded somewhere and it got lost, but it never left my mind ever. And basically he said that I was like Moses, that he had, he had people, he had baskets and he had people that were putting me in the basket and people that were taking me out. And that so fit my life.

Patricia Ruiz: 30:07

Because where I worked out, there was a girl who was ministering to me. At my job there was someone who was ministering to me. I met some people at this church that was 40 minutes away and they live five minutes away from me, so I was driving to church with them and all of these people adopted me Like they would take me into their life. I was hanging out with their family, so there was not a moment that I was alone, it was just, you know. And then, when I went to ministry school, I made some really good friends. I went to Thanksgiving with somebody, mainly because she needed a ride and I had a stick car. And she's like so why don't we ride in your car? And I said, OK, great, we can share. And she goes, and then you drive, because I don't know how to drive, stick shift. Ok, that's the way this works. But I had a really nice time.

Patricia Ruiz: 30:53

It was in Kansas, so this guy was giving that prophecy. And then he said you know, the Lord sees darkness. And I'm like, oh boy, here we go. That's where I'm going to get exposed is that he sees darkness in your heart of things that you have gone through wounds. But there's going to come a time that he's going to flood so much light into that that you're going to see it like a scar, but when it gets touched it will not affect you. And he is going to give you a family and he's going to set you into family. That was the first word he said. He's going to set you into family and he's going to set you so strongly into family that you're going to be ministering to the orphans. And so I always tried to figure out what that meant. Like I said oh okay, I need to be a missionary, I need to go somewhere and work in an orphanage, and you know, and that's what I thought. But God and, by the way, I had that word and stuff didn't happen until seven years.

Patricia Ruiz: 31:54

Seven years later, I met Jay in a church and I had not done a great job of being a Christian. The whole time I fought with God a lot. I fought with him about the word. I kept telling him that I didn't want to hold on to something if that's not what he had for me. I wanted him to take the desire out, because I kept standing on delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. And I'm like well, obviously I'm delighting in you and I'm not getting desires. So then take those desires away, because I don't want them anymore, Because I just I want to be happy with you, I want to be content. But he didn't. He didn't take that desire out, and it's because he was going to fulfill the word.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 32:32

Do you want to take a breath?

Patricia Ruiz: 32:33

No, I'm good.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 32:34

You don't want to take a break.

Patricia Ruiz: 32:35

I do better when I roll.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 32:37

Okay.

Patricia Ruiz: 32:37

Yeah so. So I got married and then my husband and I was up in age. He was younger than me and my husband said they're talking about waiting a couple of years. And I'm thinking, oh, into my mind. I didn't say anything to him Like I don't know, you know how much time do I have to have a baby? Because I was always self-conscious. It's like everything I set out to do I was always not prepared as other people. So I said that about the secretary. Now here I am, an older woman having babies, and so well, God got. I got pregnant on our honeymoon and I didn't know I was pregnant.

Patricia Ruiz: 33:15

But so my first daughter was such a joy and I just I really enjoyed my children. I enjoyed them. I had challenges. I remember struggling trying to figure out how I can clean a house and take care of two babies because I had very moving, moving, happening babies. We had a park group and I was the mother that didn't ever get to sit down because my son would not sit still and I lost him a few times.

Patricia Ruiz: 33:40

My daughter was very energetic, she loved to sing, but I just really enjoyed singing with them, hanging out with them, doing stuff with them, waiting for dad to get home, and then he would take a bath with or give them a bath, so then I could kind of rest. But it was like, it was just like my dream continually developing, we had hiccups, we had bumps, you know, and if I look back, I probably sweat some things that I didn't need to. So if I were going to give counsel to people, I always tell them if I could give advice to myself younger, this is what I would say, because hindsight is 20-20. But I don't have regrets and every stage of their life was exciting for me.

Patricia Ruiz: 34:24

You know, we homeschooled, so that was. I enjoyed that. I really enjoyed that. Just like I tell people, teaching is hard and if you look at it it doesn't make sense Everything we do, but if you love it, it's okay. It's a. No, it's a. I love teaching, so it's okay. So for me, I love being a mother, I love being a wife, I love cooking for my husband. He loved my food. That was a big deal.

Patricia Ruiz: 34:56

I still don't understand why but that's okay, I had gotten wounded with that one, just being compared to Dominican ladies and how they cook, and I learned, you know, and I learned, and I actually, you know, I started cooking for friends in the last separation and they always love my food and I just I remember I would be so touched that they were so excited about whatever I had made, and so I started getting a little more confident over time. But, you know, there's, there's, there's the scripture that God gave me today, because my husband's been asking me to think about this and I don't work the way he does. I do pray and think about things, but I marinate in my head more than on paper, although I take a lot of notes. But today the Lord dropped something in my heart and it was based on, I believe, because we're reading prophets, and it was something that the prophet said that triggered it and I was thinking about it. And then I was walking around the pool. After I do water aerobics, I walk around the pool and this scripture came and then I was searching for it because I don't remember where scriptures are, I just know what they say. But it's in, John, in John 16, and I think it's verse 21. So let me just go there real quick. And it says a woman, when she is in travail, hath sorrow because her hour has come, but as soon as she is delivered of the child, she remembers no more the anguish for the joy that a man is born into the world.

Patricia Ruiz: 36:26

And so I think about that in my life with our children, with difficulties that we've had in our marriage, challenges that we've had in ministry, you know heartbreaking things with our kids as they grew up and still some that we still things that we deal with. I think I always wanted to have a close knit family. I wanted us to be what God said we need to be. And it doesn't really jive with the way the world sees family and even the church to some degree, because a lot of the world has gotten into the church on a lot of thinking. We're very old fashioned in our house and we raised our kids that way and they've all gone through their stages where they kind of resented that. Now they're coming, it seems like they're appreciating it. But I know that the reason is because God laid in our hearts that we needed to lay a foundation in them. We needed to teach them the word, but not just teach them the word so they can rotely repeat it, but live it out and teach them how to live it out.

Patricia Ruiz: 37:34

And so the thing that I see in that scripture is that no matter what trial, whatever we go through in life, it's not fun. That part is not fun. Birth pangs are not fun. I don't care what anybody says. Some people are blessed and they don't have to go through the birth pangs, but the birth pangs are.

Patricia Ruiz: 37:53

They're hard, but I know for me, when I went through it with each child, it was a little bit easier and it was exciting because I it was a little bit weird because I didn't know what to expect, but it was exciting because I knew the outcome was that I was going to have a child, and I do remember with our first daughter I didn't even get to have her natural birth and I was very upset about that because we worked really hard to find out how to do that and felt that I wasn't given the opportunity to have her naturally. And then later on, when I went to a midwife, that was confirmed. So, um, my daughter, um, I remember when I held her in my arms, I drove my husband nuts, in the room cause I was out, they, they had to give me a lot of morphine and it knocked me out.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 38:42

Because you had a C-section.

Patricia Ruiz: 38:42

I don't remember a lot of pieces of the of of, and I don't remember her, except hearing him say she has a head of full head of hair, and so when I woke up from that fog, I just I was crying I want my baby I want to see my baby.

Patricia Ruiz: 38:56

I think it was one o'clock in the morning, and so they brought me our baby and when Lydia was in my arms, I was, it was. It was a... I can't describe the moment. It was just so, [fulfilling] it was just so awesome and I remember everything about her fascinated me, and everything about each of our children fascinated me. I would watch them and you know, my son, who is still this way, was extremely independent as a baby. He just he was not a like hold me and cuddle me kind of baby. And then our youngest was, you know, clingy, cuddly, but colicky. So she had a combination of a lot of things.

Patricia Ruiz: 39:36

So I think that that scripture really impacted me today as I was thinking about it, and always does, because everything that God brings us through he fulfills his word to us, his promises to us, and I think what I see is that sometimes we're so looking at something else that we want to do that we don't learn to cherish what he's put right in front of us. So and I'm not scolding anybody, but because I had to wait to get the things that most people have at an earlier age, I cherish them. I cherish them with everything I had. And then, when I was told that I was going to go through an empty nest stage. God transitioned me and I know he does that. He's always transitioning us to the next thing that we're going to do.

Patricia Ruiz: 40:24

So motherhood, child. You know, being a mother, being a wife, cherish. My biggest counsel is cherish the moment and know that if you're going through a trial, if you're going through pain, if you're going through struggles, God is so faithful and he will. He will bring you through and there will be a delight greater than you can even imagine.

j - Jesus M. Ruiz: 40:45

So those are things that I was reflecting on if you were blessed and appreciate listening to this podcast and you would like to support us in our efforts, consider lifting us up in prayer. First, then, remember these four social media buzzwords share, like, subscribe or follow. Share this podcast link with someone else by text, email or word of mouth in the hopes that they might be uplifted, as you were Like by leaving a positive rating or review with whomever you listen to our podcast. With Subscribe to support the show monetarily with the link in our podcast description, follow us on all our social media platforms. May God bless you and make you prosperous in Him as you listen and obey His voice.