Our Father's Heart
These podcasts are intended to nurture, instruct, and help you understand what the Lord has said in His Word that you may walk in the manner worthy of your calling in Him. We pray that you are blessed, not merely in the hearing, but more so in the doing. Simply put, our utmost desire is to be in the Father's heart, to know the Father's heart, and express the Father's heart to you.
Our Father's Heart
The Lovingier Testimony (Part 2) | Ep. 154
We continue our discussion with the Lovingier family discussing their perspectives on how God orchestrated their relationship. We emphasize the importance of individual spiritual preparation and seeking God's guidance before entering a relationship, highlighting the need to prioritize faith and personal growth before commitment and they recount their journey of personal transformation, navigating challenges, and developing a deeper reliance on God. Their experiences illustrate the idea that God prepares individuals for relationships in his timing, even amidst trials and doubts. They also talk about challenges that occurred in the first few years of their marriage and how they overcame them. They reflect on relying on the leading of their pastors and the importance of each growing into their role within the family.
"Message Our Father's Heart a Question or Response"
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The vision received was that of blood cells traveling throughout the body, supplying the much needed oxygen and other nutrients to the differing members of the body to fulfill their purpose. Once the blood cells are spent, they must return back to the heart to be refilled before being sent out again and fulfill their purpose and fulfill their purpose.
Scott Lovingier:That's a side track. I don't know where we were going with that.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:I'll interject that it's fascinating to hear the testimony because my wife can testify to this that we have taught other couples we've taught our own children that and it seems like that's what the Lord was doing with you. He didn't allow you to start a relationship when either of you was not prepared for that relationship, and we've always taught our children that if you seek the Lord and we've taught other couples if you seek the Lord and you put Him first and you let him have his way with you, He is going to bring you to the person that he wants you to have a relationship. It's going to give you the opportunity to choose, but you're going to be prepared for it and and and it looks like God worked it out so that you would not have a heart for him in advance, because you could have done something early on, before your time, that could have ruined it. Um, and then, and then he he had to, He had to prepare him, He had to get him his attention, get him, get him on board into the yes, I am real and yes, I'm here and I need you to start listening to me. And you had the mentor through Carolyn, and then, all of a sudden your heart clicked at some point and changed, and then that's when you were ready to continue on the relationship together. So it's it. It it's confirming to me of the things that we've taught others that you know.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:I take everybody back to Genesis. I said Adam was alone, he didn't have a help me for him. But God made it so, um, that he prepared a wife just for him, and then they had a relationship, then they could start off, you know, on a proper footing. And I think to me that is He's not teaching, you know everyone that this is how it is, but I think he's planting a seed just by that Genesis account, that when I do it, when I'm involved, I prepare the man, I get him and I give him responsibility, and then I prepare the woman for him and bring her to him and then they can start the relationship.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:And so I see that as a principle in the scriptures and it seemed I know it, we always testify of it that you know she had a life previous to me and God had to work with her, and I had a life previous to her and God had to work with me, and when He finally got us where we needed to be, that's when we met and that's when the relationship, that's why it happened so quickly for us, cause we knew each other in December of 97 and we were getting married August of 98, you know, and it was friendship.
Patricia Ruiz:Early on I was sort of like you, like I liked him as a well, I liked him as a friend hanging out. I knew he had a kind of interest, but but Jay's younger than I am, it's like, and I had already gone through experiences and I didn't want to get in a church and start having another problem.
Patricia Ruiz:So we were just friends. But for him, you know, I think in hindsight God had been speaking to me. I waited a long time that I even fought with God, like, if you don't, if marriage is not what you have for me, take it out of my heart. I don't want to even want it. And then he just kept saying I'm preparing someone for you. Those very words, um, but I doubted. I wasn't. I doubted. I walked in a lot of doubt, and then he had to deal with me having a somewhat of a crush on someone else and, um, never regarding him as anything other than a friend.
Patricia Ruiz:But in God's time, which is what we try to tell our kids, it's not a Cinderella story. It is what God wants to do, because he wants to bring together those that are going to walk together in sync. And it's really cool what I'm hearing from y'all cause for you, you weren't even a believer, and so there was no way y'all were going to. You were going to be unequally yoked if you entertained anything, and God was not going to have it that way.
Scott Lovingier:And so the same thing if, if we would have started dating right as I got into church too then, my focus would have been on her.
Patricia Ruiz:Right.
Scott Lovingier:And I wouldn't have learned to have faith in Jesus. So I had to lean on, so I had to lean on. I had to lean on Jesus a lot during that year. You know, like of of. You know where was my career going to be too. You know, I, I and um, I got kicked out of my house.
Scott Lovingier:That's a whole other story as well. We don't have to get into that one. I've shared that a couple times at church and. But we could. You know, and you know my dad thought I was throwing my life away because I didn't go to the police academy, because that's that was his dream, and so I wasn't living his dream. And now I'm going to church and he had church hurt in his life. So he just thought I'm going down this rabbit trail that was just spiraling out of control. So now I don't have my dad, who was my rock, I don't have this girl who was supposed to be my wife, and I don't know what I'm going to do for a career and I know where to live I try to go live with my mom, and that didn't work out.
Scott Lovingier:So I mean, even part of your struggle too is I lived at your house for a couple of weeks.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:That's when you were kicked out of your dad's house kicked out of your dad's house.
Scott Lovingier:Kicked out of my dad's house, I went to my mom for maybe two to four weeks, somewhere in that range, and they couldn't deal with me trying to go to church and figure my life out For them it's just go get a job, go get a job, go get a job.
Scott Lovingier:Go get a job. Wait a minute, I'm 25. Let me try and figure what. What's the next step in my life? Um, so then that was going to church. I was going to church conferences, that was going to everything church oriented, and they just couldn't process that. So I had to leave there because it was very toxic. Yeah, um, and so I had to go live with the Money's for a couple of weeks, I just crashed it on their couch and um, and then you know, then God, this is after God got a hold of you, right?
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:god got a hold of me. Yeah, was this after it clicked for her? No, no, this is the way, still before.
Scott Lovingier:So, okay, I got uh, I started going to church would have been november. Kicked out of my dad's house in December, left my mom's house in January.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Wow, so just so I'm three months of testing. You know, I'm just going.
Scott Lovingier:Yeah, it was, I was going through the fire, yeah, you know. And so I and I'm literally just leaning on Jesus with everything I have, um, and pretty much telling Jesus like, like you've got to prove yourself to me. If you're real, you've got to prove yourself, because if you don't, come and handle this, I'm not going to make it, because I just gave up my family for you and so it was pretty tough, and so it was pretty tough.
Scott Lovingier:But God reconciled my dad and I through my pastor at the time and talking with him, I kind of came to the realization that teaching is something I've always had in my heart. So how about I go back to school, get my master's and my teaching credential? So now I'm enrolled in a program and now my dad my dad can see okay, you're not throwing your life away, there is a plan, this looks like a good career path. And then our relationship was just way stronger after that. It was, you know, built more on transparency and honesty. And you know, I never I was hiding all my like church things around him because I didn't talk to him about it. So then, so, then, um, so that was good. So then I moved back in with my dad. Um, so he just brought, he brought all that around, made it stronger, but still dealing with Alycia, yeah, you know and she's on the worship team so I'm there, you know, worshiping, and she's in the front and I'm just, she's there, right there in front of me every Sunday.
Scott Lovingier:Yeah, you know it's hard.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Well, you know you've spoken a lot and it brought to my mind your life and what we just said about the Lord preparing each. You know sex, you know the man, the husband, the wife, the male, the female for each other. Um, it reminds me of this scripture. It's in Psalm 105, uh, verse 17 through 19. It's talking about Joseph and we know Joseph testimony. He had these dreams and he's like oh my gosh, everybody's gonna bow down to me, everybody's gonna bow down to me, and then, all of a sudden, instead of it coming to pass, he gets thrown, he gets sold as a slave, he goes in the potter's house and then he's got to go to prison, and then he's in prison and he's got all these things.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:But it says in Psalm 105, and I just bring that up to kind of give context it says he sent a man before them, Joseph, who was sold as a slave. They hurt his feet with fetters, he was laid in irons. All of that time he heard the word of the Lord, just like you heard the word of the Lord. That was going to be your wife. You heard it and yet nothing is happening. She's hating on you, she's mistreating you, she's doing all these things, fetters, irons, okay. And then it says, regarding Joseph, until the time that his word came to pass, the word of the Lord tried him.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:And that's what the lord does with man.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Specifically, I think he does that with men because he's preparing men by trying them, preparing them and you said you just said the words I learned to depend upon him, I learned to be seeking, and that's what a man needs If he's going to be the head of his house, he's going to be married. He needs to learn to. I need to seek him to, to understand how to even be a man, how to even be a husband, how to even be a father, all of these things. I need to look toward Jesus. I don't need to look toward woman to save me and redeem me and all of that stuff. I need to look to him and that's what he did with you. So it's a fantastic testament in the same thing I think was happening with you. He's changing your heart, he's making things like click and you're fighting it because, well, the Lord didn't say that to me. He may have said it to my mom, he may have said to other people, but he's saying it to me and I'm interested in these others and it's amazing.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:I just see that we live out the word of God to a greater extent than we realize we really do. There's nothing new under the sun, the things that were in the past, in the ancient times. We live those things if we'll just have eyes to see. Oh, God is working with me. He is bringing me to the place that I need to, if I just start opening my eyes to see it.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:So what happened that you got
Alycia Lovingier:We kind of after, I guess, after we had that conversation, uh, wait which one the conversation where we're like texting back and forth. I was in southern california visiting families during like thanksgiving or something like that okay um came back. I think we kind of officially kind of started dating um beginning january. I, okay, like, and I knew, after having that conversation, the texting conversation, like I knew that that was going to be it, like, once I get into this relationship, it's going to be over.
Patricia Ruiz:It's over in the sense of like that's it.
Alycia Lovingier:Like this is going to be it as far as you know, my husband and all that stuff. I kind of I knew that that was going to be it, so I was. I was taking it extremely at that point. I was taking it extremely seriously.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Did you have a talk? Did he propose to you?
Alycia Lovingier:How did all that take place? No, we went. Yeah, we were dating.
Scott Lovingier:We pretty much started dating right away, pretty right away after.
Alycia Lovingier:I came back from Southern California.
Scott Lovingier:We went through a little bit of like a you know a testing of like I'm more affectionate than she is, and it was kind of like a, You know, that breaks the stereotypes Okay.
Scott Lovingier:We got to, at least you know, we got to hold hands, you know, like, like there's gonna have to be a little bit of you know, like no show me you're interested.
Scott Lovingier:Show me you're interested, yeah and that lasted for like a day or two yeah, and then because that
Scott Lovingier:because there was a moment I was like man, this might not work out, you know but I think it lasted like a day yeah and then. So we, yeah, we just we were.
Scott Lovingier:We were fully in a relationship. Yeah, from that and that. So that would have been January. Um, I proposed in May, okay, and we did. I would probably counsel people to get married quicker after their engagement than we did, because we waited a full year, so actually like 13 months. I like planning the wedding and looking back, knowing you know we made it you know like we that's like extreme delayed gratification yeah you know, and we were, we were faithful in that regard yeah and um, we still live at our parents house.
Scott Lovingier:We didn't. We never lived with each other.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:But yeah, I would counsel people get married, get married quicker well, that's what happened to us because, like I said, we met in December of 97, we talked in June and we, after we talked it, was like, yeah, this, this is, this is going to work out. So we thought, well, school is about to start. We can't really make the plans enough for the wedding because in Florida school starts mid-August, I think it was. So we thought we'd wait till December. Nice two-long vacation. We're in Miami, it's not going to be winter weather, it's going to be spine. And then we spoke to our pastor and the whole church was all for it, and they all would just wait, just wait. I'm telling them, stay out of it, stay out of it, stay out of it. But finally, when, when, when, when he had talked and put it all together.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Our pastor said why are you waiting so long? Why don't you just get married before you, you go back to school? So in two months the whole. The lady assistant pastor I didn't want to get into details, but she got it all together. She planned, you know, a lot of stuff and we just ended up getting married sooner than than expected and I think that was that was definitely for the best Cause, like why are we going to wait eight months? It's like eight months of we're not going to be together. She's going to go to work, I'm going to go to work.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:So, yeah, I hear you, I hear you. Yeah, I mean that's our story of. So you got married 13 months later in Northern California. Yeah, yeah, okay, I guess Mom and Dad were heavily involved helped out on.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Both sides.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Was there any?
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:issues? Any issues? No, okay, so families were on board? Yeah, families were on board. Church was on board because you were going to the same church.
Alycia Lovingier:Yeah.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Pastor was on board.
Alycia Lovingier:Okay, he was definitely on board.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Okay.
Scott Lovingier:I mean, I asked her dad, I asked the pastor and I asked her brothers before I proposed to her you did so.
Scott Lovingier:I went through the whole gentlemanly steps. Did anybody teach that to you? Is that something you just thought was best?
Scott Lovingier:your dad, I don't remember my dad ever saying that I think it's just I had that inside of me, okay of go through and make sure that you're, you know you're, I'm not missing something, you know so. But I wasn't really worried, you know. Obviously I knew her family very well. I didn't know her brothers like at all because they lived in Georgia.
Alycia Lovingier:Ah, they had already moved.
Scott Lovingier:So I, I mean I had met them, but I didn't know them.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Okay, so you were like an own child at the time. Yeah, only one in the house, both of them had.
Alycia Lovingier:Yeah, they'd already both moved out, like my oldest brother. Okay, he was the second one. The middle brother moved out here first, okay. And then the oldest brother. He moved out. I was still like in high school. Yeah, I was in high school where I was just graduating.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:When they moved out,
Alycia Lovingier:when my oldest brother moved out,
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:oh wow.
Alycia Lovingier:He moved this way as well. Okay, so it was pretty much just me at the house. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Alycia Lovingier:Yeah about him asking my brothers, but kind of like, not like a serious, like I don't think I was actually serious about it, but you seem to do that often.
Alycia Lovingier:Yeah, make these non-serious comments. Yeah, it's like I'm like, I was like, oh well, you know because I have two older brothers and the middle brother he's the very much he's the protective older brother, like he's the one that you know. You know it's he's more, even though he wasn't there when I was during my dating ages like age um, which I'm kind of grateful for.
Alycia Lovingier:Yeah, um, he was definitely the more protective older brother. And then my oldest brother is way more like chill, just you know. Yeah, right, he was. Yeah, he's just a more relaxed older brother, so kind of you know, I didn't actually think he was going to do it, like, obviously I didn't want him to ask my Dad, obviously I wanted him to ask my pastor, because they're two important like leaders in my life right at the time. That was very important to me, but so everybody was on board.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:You go into the marriage, you get married, are you ?
Scott Lovingier:No so okay, you got married in June. I finished my program in May, so I just finished a program. Is this your master's program? Master's is a dual master's and credential program, so I got both the credential and the master's in the same program. Oh gotcha, okay, okay, um, so I didn't have a job. Um, yeah, so I mean we got married, I still didn't have a job and I was um just applying, did all the families chip in to pay for the wedding?
Alycia Lovingier:her parents paid for most of yeah, my parents paid, paid for the wedding and then I think your, your dad and mom, kind of I think, figure out rehearsal dinner and all that stuff for the most part yeah, my parents paid for the wedding, okay yeah so you didn't have a job.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:You were about to get a job. What were you doing?
Alycia Lovingier:I was nannying at the time just so I still was yeah, I was kind of dedicated as the one like family who I was one of the girls who started my mom's daycare and then I kind of started nannying her and her two older siblings and so that was pretty much. I mean, it was still. It wasn't really full-time, it was once they got out of school. I was driving them, picking them up from school, driving them to different activities they did, whether it's soccer, baseball, gymnastics, whatever that kind of stuff gymnastics, whatever that kind of stuff, so it was kind of still new to me at that time.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:So what were the first few years of marriage? Like Was? It everything you dreamed, I mean Were all your expectations met?
Scott Lovingier:I don't know.
Scott Lovingier:I mean it was fine.
Scott Lovingier:I mean, so we get married and you know we you said we, you were still living there. We were still living there, but I moved in to her parents' house. They had a garage conversion so that was like our suite and we lived in their garage probably for four or five months. So we got married in June I moved in there.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Was that easy? No, okay, he said that quietly. No, no, what was hard about it?
Scott Lovingier:well you're. You know you're newly married and you're living with your in-laws. You know it's okay is it because?
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:is it just because of that, like I couldn't take my wife out and live on her own, or is it because they were involved in a way that no, shouldn't have been untrue or anything? Yeah, it's just awkward.
Alycia Lovingier:I mean, you get married, okay you expect to have the house and all that stuff.
Scott Lovingier:There's expectations that you think life's going to be like after you get married.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Yeah.
Scott Lovingier:And so during that time of applying to be a teacher, we had a, so right now we have a teacher shortage. That time we had a teacher surplus shortage.
Scott Lovingier:That time we had a teacher surplus. Oh I, you couldn't, you can find a job, you couldn't find a job. I applied to five, probably 50 different districts I'm not even kidding like just all through northern california just applying everywhere. Um, and then finally I got a call back at a continuation school because the principal of that continuation school was the principal at the high school. I did my um, my student teaching at, so she recognized my name. So I got a call back from there. I get hired. What do you mean? She knew you. What do you mean?
Scott Lovingier:She was the principal when I did my student teaching okay she changed schools, oh okay so then I applied to the continuation school, so she knew who I was okay okay, uh, interviewed, I get hired. I teach the first two weeks there at this continuation school. I mean it's, it's a, it was rough.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:It's a rough school like gangs and what is a continuation school in california like a?
Scott Lovingier:alternative school alternative school, oh okay, so kids that are gonna flunk out getting serious behavioral problems and so rough. Population very rough very gang uh, affiliation, you know, throughout the whole, even in northern california.
Scott Lovingier:Oh yeah, no, yeah, it's it's, yeah, there's there's, there's a lot going on there, yeah, um, and it's worth the first two weeks thinking this is my classroom, this is my job. And then I get pulled into the principal's office and they're like HR messed up. And they didn't post the job internally first before they posted it for the public to view and the teachers union, so California's big teacher union thing, right. So they had to post the job internally in the district for X amount of days before they're allowed to hire somebody outside, and they violated that. They violated that so they found out that somebody wanted the job, who was already in the district, who was displaced.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:They wanted that rough population. I guess they were just desperate right?
Scott Lovingier:Well, they had the teacher surplus, so teachers are getting pink slipped every year. Okay, so there were teachers who didn't have a job, who are still in the district part of the union, so they had first dibs to just take that job. Wow, so they took the job yeah and so here I am like man and I work for free, like I didn't pay you.
Scott Lovingier:I didn't get paid those first two weeks. I told you, because we're going, it's going through the paperwork and the principals, like ahhh we're working on, I'm like, I'm like I don't care, care, I don't care, I want the job, I'll work for free, because where else was I going to get a job? So then I don't have the job and a couple openings came up at the school I did my student teaching at, which is like the best high school in the district. So I went from the worst school in the district to best high school in the district. So I went from the worst school in the district to the best school in the district and I I was able to get hired there. The principal at the continuation school called the district for me, called HR.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Gave you a word
Scott Lovingier:and said
Scott Lovingier:this guy you want to hire.
Scott Lovingier:We want this guy in our district. Okay, please hire him. So I went interviewed there and I worked there for 11 years.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:That's very much like Joseph. Again, it's crazy just faithful in whatever position you're put in, and it shows and favor surrounds you yeah yeah, oh, this is cool. I I never thought scott had a Joseph kind of anointing on him, because that's what I keep seeing.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Every time it's uncanny. It really is.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Yeah, the dreams and everything yeah, yeah, okay, so you, you, uh, okay. So you finally got a job. You're not in the ideal situation or the ideal expected situation, stereotypical. You want to get out on your own with your wife, okay, and then, so you get a job. What happens?
Scott Lovingier:yes, and now I have a real job and um when we get an apartment? Um in retrospect, we should have stayed at her parents house longer to save more money to pay off, to pay off debt, you know. I guess we won't touch that one.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Hey, you know, wisdom is wisdom, yeah, so continue.
Scott Lovingier:But you know she's 20, 23. Yeah, I'm 28. It's hard to tell people in their twenties you know things.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:It's very hard and so some people did tell you, but you were kind of resistant.
Scott Lovingier:I think her parents wanted us to.
Alycia Lovingier:I think my parents would have been, probably would have preferred.
Scott Lovingier:They would have loved to stay there, for sure.
Alycia Lovingier:Yeah, but they didn't say you should stay. They never really asked, at least not for me, but they probably thought the wiser decision would be to stay there and pay off debt student loans stuff like that.
Scott Lovingier:They probably could have and that would probably really set us up for our future if we would have done that. Yeah, hindsight is always 2020 right but we we get an apartment.
Scott Lovingier:It's a one bedroom apartment
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:in the most expensive state in the union.
Scott Lovingier:Yeah, but we're still very close to her, her house, we're very close to my parents house like very close we're like down the street.
Alycia Lovingier:Yeah, so yeah cause when down the street, yeah.
Scott Lovingier:So, um, yeah, yeah, because when we got, like you know, one apartment, we did like three apartments, yeah, before we moved out here okay, actually moved back with my dad. That's when we got really wise, before we moved out here. This is skipping ahead like over a decade, but yeah, we did. We did get wise and moved back in with my dad and we lived there for two and a half years and paid off all of our debt before we moved to Georgia.
Scott Lovingier:Yeah, so that was pretty amazing
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:How long after you got your job did that happen?
Alycia Lovingier:Ten.
Scott Lovingier:Eight to ten years, yeah, so I taught in California for 11 years
Alycia Lovingier:Right before.
Alycia Lovingier:COVID
Scott Lovingier:so
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:You're talking about 2009 to 2020. Approximately yeah, okay, and uh, was you know, as you grew up as a young girl, was it always your uh, I don't know, did you always envision that you were going to have kids and you were going to have a big family, or anything like that? What was your thoughts about it's?
Alycia Lovingier:actually kind of funny. Um, I was just telling uh, patricia we were talking about before we started this that I've never been that one girl that's like, oh my gosh, like I need to have a baby to fulfill my life, like I've never been that person.
Alycia Lovingier:That was like I.
Alycia Lovingier:You know, I was my mom. Make the joke. My mom raised. I was raised in a daycare. My mom went to daycare for 23 years of my life, so I was definitely like not wanting kids immediately um, really honestly, if I was to be honest, I never really wanted kids because I think that working in the daycare just kind of I don't want to say traumatize me.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:You were overdosed with kids.
Alycia Lovingier:But once we started dating and I knew how serious it was getting, I was like, well, there's no way that I'm not going to have kids.
Scott Lovingier:I actually said we will not get married if you don't agree that we can have kids. Like that was, that was like. That was a deal breaker for me yeah.
Alycia Lovingier:And so I was like okay, so I'm like that's, that's fine, you know, I knew eventually I'm like I just need time. It's kind of why I said I'm like I just need time to kind of, you know, be out from away from you know, get your kids and all that stuff holding hands um need to have kids in the future.
Alycia Lovingier:Yeah, big steps for me.
Alycia Lovingier:Um, yeah, I don't even remember what the question was um yeah, so I've never been the one that's like I need to have kids to fulfill my life. That's never been that person I've never been the one that's like I need to have kids to fulfill my life.
Alycia Lovingier:That's never been.
Alycia Lovingier:that person I've never been the one that's like, oh, can I hold your baby? Like I'm not that person yeah, I, you know, even with family, like I was not really that person. I mean, obviously I felt a little bit differently after my brother had my first nephew.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Your niece and nephew.
Alycia Lovingier:It was definitely a little, I felt a little bit different after that as far as, like you know, oh, I can see how this could be how many years into the marriage was that?
Alycia Lovingier:that was actually probably a little bit before I was before you got writers 15 yeah and we've been married 13 years yeah, so it was right before okay uh, we're looking back and I can see how that that changed a little, because I'm like, because they lived here, so when we came and visited, you know, I definitely like I'm like, oh, like I don't, I don't really came and visited. You know, I definitely like I'm like, oh, like I don't, I don't really want to leave him. You know that type of thing. So I kind of felt like that, even though he's only my nephew, I felt that little bit of a bond. So you know, I could see that that kind of turning into something down the road. But yeah, I mean, we were what? Two years, two years into our marriage
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Is that right?
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:I was two years, you're 30, 25. Yeah.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:How pressed were you to want to have a baby?
Scott Lovingier:Very pressed
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:you were.
Scott Lovingier:I've always felt like my. You know, obviously I don't have a biological clock, but I always felt like my biological clock was ticking.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Hey, if Abraham did it at 99?
Alycia Lovingier:you know, well, I do want to say like, kind of before, that kind of a big thing that happened to me, I mean to us, but to me personally is my. We were married for about a year okay and then my parents decided they were going to move this way to Georgia which. I I had never not been with in the same area as my parents like I've never had the umbilical cord. Yeah, I've never been in that like time where I, like my parents, have always been there like they've always been.
Alycia Lovingier:You know, I lived with them until I got married. I know it sounds it's kind of corny nowadays, but you know I I had never not been without my parents here, so when they left I kind of make the joke. I'm like you're leaving me with him. Like I don't think I'm ready for that.
Alycia Lovingier:Like.
Alycia Lovingier:I don't, you know, I just it was definitely. That was pretty hard for me Because I, like I said, I was born and raised in church and they were always there, even if it was not just my parents but like spiritual mentors, as well. They moved here which sounds bad when I say this, but them leaving is probably the best thing that happened to our marriage, Because it helped me kind of cut that cord, so to speak, that you mentioned. From my parents and not being like Jim and Carolyn's daughter, but to being Scott's wife.
Alycia Lovingier:And those are very different, like different roles different roles and it's definitely when they were here, like, and we were there, it was definitely. I mean, there were some times where it was hard. You know, we definitely disagreed on some things as I was maturing with Scott and under our pastor, um kind of make establish my own relationship with God, not under my parents, that kind of makes sense.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:That kind of makes sense.
Alycia Lovingier:Um, so that was definitely kind of a big moment for us, for me more so like, and it probably, I mean I guess it kind of affected him too, but it was definitely I'm like oh, I don't think I'm ready, like it hit me hard that they were moving. I don't think I'm ready, like it hit me hard that they were moving. Yeah, so when they left, it was kind of like whoa, this is, this is weird. I'm like here.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Leaving and cleaving actually mean something when you experience it.
Alycia Lovingier:Yeah, it was definitely. I mean, like his parents were still in, you know, but it's different. It's just a different relationship with our parents, with my his Dad and Mom.
Alycia Lovingier:So that also kind of helped, I think, grow our relationship together, Because we're also growing together under a pastor and our pastor at the time was really mentoring us, kind of like taking us under his wings, us and another couple who we're so really close friends with, kind of taking us under his wings and like basically pouring into us all their knowledge and their wisdom and, just like you know, just mentoring us really for those 10, what 10? Years after my parents left.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:What would you say the most important aspects of your marriage grew, if you could categorize them.
Scott Lovingier:With her parents leaving.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Yeah, yeah. And then you said that I really had to find my relationship not as a daughter but as a wife yeah. And then you were being helped by the pastor yeah. What kind of categories or dynamics ?
Alycia Lovingier:For me, like not always asking mom and dad what do I do, but like what's okay, like for my husband, like when I'm like okay, for instance, you know, very raised, very, very conservative, right, wear skirts all the time, you know.
Alycia Lovingier:And then um, after my parents left and this wasn't just my parents it was just kind of a whole experience of studying the Bible for myself and realizing that's not how I, God, was revealing scriptures to me that were previously taught on those like that specific subject. So we'll just say that first instance, um, it made me get to the bible myself and help me kind of like learn tradition versus what the bible says, because a lot of times church can be two different things it can be two.
Alycia Lovingier:You know they're not. Ideally, you want to be the same thing, yeah, but learning how to go to my husband for things instead of going to mom and dad, going to my husband like hey, is this okay? And and him being the spiritual leader, I guess, of the house yeah is learning that he's a spiritual leader, and my mom and dad that's not their role anymore my in this time of my life that I had to realize that he was a spiritual mentor and a spiritual authority in my life.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:That's an important category. Did that, did you sense the same thing? Was that you wish she was leaning more toward you rather than her parents. Not that you resented their parents, yeah.
Scott Lovingier:I mean, it didn't affect me nearly as much as it affected her. Okay, you know, but I definitely could see that happening, you know. I mean it, it wrecked her when they, when they left, like I mean it was, it was bad there was. There was. There was a moment as a husband where I my heart was broken for her and I was pretty much to the point like we're just gonna move to Georgia because I have to save my wife.
Scott Lovingier:Like seriously, I was like where we we just have to move because I can't, I can't, you can't bear what she can't bear her heartbrokenness.
Scott Lovingier:I was so grieved for her. Um, and you know, and this it'd be very funny if Carolyn listens to this podcast she, she had a dream or a vision of her entire family living in Georgia. So her sons were already here and obviously Alicia was in California, but she had this vision of everyone living in Georgia. Well, she tells us the vision right and we weren't rebellious with it but we were also like.
Scott Lovingier:God gave you that vision. He didn't say nothing to us. We're not held accountable to that vision, right? God showed you a future. If he does that with us, he'll deal with us. Um, so here I have my wife grieving and heartbroken, and then I also have carolyn she she was pretty bold a couple times, like y'all are moving.
Alycia Lovingier:You're going to be here.
Scott Lovingier:You know, and so this is another moment of Jesus speaking to me. I'm in a staff meeting with 80 to 100 teachers. We have a pretty big school. I'm in a staff meeting, the principal's up there talking and and and and. Um, I had been contemplating well, maybe I'll just go just apply for jobs in Georgia, and if God opens the door, he opens the door. If he doesn't open the door, he doesn't open the door. But I can at least say to my mother-in-law I've been applying, god closed the doors and I'm in the staff meeting. But I'm not even thinking about that. I'm literally just listening to the principal talk, whatever the staff meeting is about.
Scott Lovingier:And the Holy Spirit hit me and spoke to me and said you can find a job in your flesh, meaning I apply to jobs in georgia. But that would not be his will for me to move to georgia. That would have been me forcing his hand as opposed to his timing moving in my life. So you know. So I again I just I listened to his voice and I said okay. So I again I just I listened to his voice and I said, okay, I'm not applying to jobs in Georgia, it's not in my heart to move. And I think you were kind of coming out of it at that point where you know you weren't as heartbroken but so we did not apply, you know, to move. I listened to the voice of God. I don't think I told Carolyn at that moment I think I've told her since then.
Scott Lovingier:But that was God like warning me.
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