Our Father's Heart
These podcasts are intended to nurture, instruct, and help you understand what the Lord has said in His Word that you may walk in the manner worthy of your calling in Him. We pray that you are blessed, not merely in the hearing, but more so in the doing. Simply put, our utmost desire is to be in the Father's heart, to know the Father's heart, and express the Father's heart to you.
Our Father's Heart
The Lovingier Testimony (Part 5) | Ep. 157
The road to parenthood can be filled with both heartache and hope, and in this episode, we have a candid discussion exploring one couple's decade-long journey through infertility and into the embracing of love with their new child. From navigating the rigorous in vitro fertilization (IVF) process filled with emotional and physical challenges, to witnessing the bittersweet moment of friends celebrating new pregnancies during their struggles, hear how faith played a pivotal role in their transformative experience.
Our guests share the ups and downs of injection schedules, emotions running high with every test, and the social dynamics surrounding their journey. Delve with us as they celebrate the moment they finally received the long-awaited phone call confirming their pregnancy, a life-changing revelation that turned years of waiting into a moment of joy.
The conversation highlights the importance of supportive communities and understanding connections, touching on how to navigate social situations sensitively while experiencing infertility. As they reflect on their story, they convey powerful messages of resilience and hope, emphasizing that God is ever-present in our journeys.
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The vision received was that of blood cells traveling throughout the body, supplying the much needed oxygen and other nutrients to the differing members of the body to fulfill their purpose. Once the blood cells are spent, they must return back to the heart to be refilled before being sent out again and fulfill their purpose.
Scott Lovingier:Do you have any questions before we go through the whole thing?
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Right now. No, I'm just trying to take it all in. I don't know if the details of the IVF program is absolutely essential, but do share whatever you feel to share.
Alycia Lovingier:We went through it like three different times.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Three times.
Alycia Lovingier:Three different times. Yeah, 22 each.
Alycia Lovingier:Yeah.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:How long over how long a time?
Alycia Lovingier:So
Scott Lovingier:Because you have to.
Alycia Lovingier:It's like by month, per month. So basically, it's like they track your cycle and it's a whole process. Then, once this certain day hits, then you have to do this. Then once this day hits, like it's just kind of like a process of events
Scott Lovingier:Because you have to retrieve eggs at a certain time.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Okay,
Scott Lovingier:So the injections will make you produce more eggs.
Alycia Lovingier:Yeah.
Scott Lovingier:And they'll go in and retrieve as many as they can get.
Patricia Ruiz:Because they have to figure out which one's going to be viable.
Scott Lovingier:And then they have to take sperm and try and fertilize, okay, and then out of that that they see which ones create embryos, and out of that they see which ones are viable. So you, want a lot of eggs to have multiple options to create multiple embryos, essentially, so you have better better chance of better odds better chances. So we do it twice and we don't produce any viable embryos. Yeah, wow.
Alycia Lovingier:So we kind of the doctor, decided, she kind of narrowed down like we're okay, we're gonna go back to this first way, because this way you produce more and my I'm having to go under anesthesia for the all these processes of them retrieving them. So it's like I'm not working that that day and then the day after because you know I'm under recoup.
Alycia Lovingier:Right, exactly, and again I'm having like hormones being pumped through my body, so obviously that takes a toll emotionally. And then all while this is going on, like I think we're counting on the way here, seven people in our lives between us starting that process ivf process, or the process of, from moving here all the way up until us finally getting pregnant seven people in our life got pregnant and had babies and that was probably more than like it ever happened in our entire life. I'm like so it was definitely like sure, of course, you know. I'm like, okay, really, another one like that type of you're probably feeling that Hannah moment she was everybody's having kids.
Alycia Lovingier:I'm not having kids it was more of like it's going to sound selfish, but I feel bad for me. You know I'm like why is this happening? For everybody else? They don't have to go through all this stuff yeah you know they're not having to go through this process you're going to interject.
Patricia Ruiz:I was going to say that that was the time that I met you, because you came and you opened up with me and I I had a heart for you and I knew you were gonna have a baby and you were, and I told Jay, so we were avidly praying. You know, um, and I know the feeling of and I think I shared that with you that you have a promise and everyone else is getting the, everything's going on around you and nothing's happening for you. And then, in God's right time, He did it and look, you've got a beautiful. Well, I'm spoiler alert yeah, beautiful baby.
Alycia Lovingier:It was definitely that was the part that was hard because it's like and I knew that people were being very not everybody knew we were going through this, but they knew that we were kind of having you know struggling, so I think people were very hesitant to tell us, you know.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Or to just bring it up.
Alycia Lovingier:Right, or like you know. Hey, you know, we're having a baby.
Scott Lovingier:And then you know, all these people in our lives are having at this point his family pretty much knew well, my brothers, yeah, were having my when Matt had his second and Mark was having his first and they found out they actually kind of were very hesitant to tell me yeah you know, like my, I think they both told me, but then my dad called me later and was like are you okay? And I'm like yeah, I I got another niece or nephew coming.
Scott Lovingier:I'm excited. You know I'm not. I'm not upset somebody else is having a kid. My faith is still in Jesus. That's where my faith is. I want everyone to have kids, especially I love being an uncle.
Scott Lovingier:It's really fun.
Scott Lovingier:And so people definitely were tiptoeing around us when it came to that, and so I think Alycia definitely struggled more with that.
Scott Lovingier:I think just, you know, being a woman, you know that's more emotional, I think, maybe than being a man uh, even though I am an emotional person, I think I was able to a little bit more compartmentalize that aspect and just be like I'm hanging on, I know God's gonna do it, I you know obviously I wish you did it earlier. Um, yeah, you know, because it's it's 10 years, I think. I think I said this when I was, you know, teaching at church, like that's like a biblical amount of time, you know like 10 year s.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Yeah, you know, we don't live as long as they did in the ancient world.
Alycia Lovingier:We don't necessarily have that full 10 years.
Scott Lovingier:I'm like man when Aidan is born, he's 41 years old.
Patricia Ruiz:But there's Abraham and Sarah. Honestly, you think about their testimony, what their account was it said her womb was dead.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Sarah Hannah Elizabeth.
Alycia Lovingier:Yeah, I mean, it was like in, and all these things were being taught in church around all this time yeah, just like yeah you know it's like I'm trying like to take that part, like obviously I know God's, it's not about me. I mean, I know God was speaking to me, but I knew it wasn't like. That wasn't like specifically. Like you know, like you know God calling me out, type thing, like not everybody knew that's what I was going through.
Alycia Lovingier:Even people here who didn't know I was going through things were praying for me, like praying for my stomach and stuff like that. So I was like okay, I mean.
Alycia Lovingier:I know, like I was aware, I knew that God was there and I I think that's the.
Alycia Lovingier:That's why it's hard for me to imagine someone who doesn't believe in God to go through that same process, because it really it. I mean we, we lucked out because you know it took us three times to get the proper amount of embryos and all that stuff to the right age and all that stuff. Uh, and, mind you, I'm having, I'm coming give. Actually I was having injections like three times a day, but Scott was also. So it's like the whole physical aspect of it was exhausting, like physically exhausting on me. But the percentage of the embryos taking for the first time was like 60% that it would take and 40% it would not. So I was like, well, that's not great odds, you know, I mean it's better than you know nothing, but still not great. And the odds of it really like happening on the first time were extremely slim, especially at someone who was my age.
Scott Lovingier:It was like 20% or something.
Alycia Lovingier:Yeah, it was like even lower Cause. That's like that 60% is for like just creating childbearing, like you know. Age for like younger, you know younger women. That wasn't like cause technically I I was a mature um mature age geriatric pregnancy.
Alycia Lovingier:Yeah, the way they do it, yeah, the way they explain it. I'm like thanks, but um.
Alycia Lovingier:So I'm like okay, I was going. I was like, okay, you know, God had promised us this. I'm like that's still like always in the back of my mind going through this process, but I don't, I don't, it was going to, so I thought it was going to be. I guess it was exhausting, like I mean, I got tired of giving myself injections and um, but we go, we go in, and this is like January right, it was like early January.
Alycia Lovingier:Um, we did the first embryo like the transfer. So basically that's when they put everything together and then we go in and it's really weird because when we're sitting in this office, you walk in and they have like a monitor and it has a picture of like the embryo that they're going to use. Because they asked us like you know, do you really care? Because once the embryo gets to a certain age, you can actually find out whether it's a girl or boy, which I thought was kind of insane to think after like eight days.
Alycia Lovingier:I thought that was a little weird. Ours never made it to eight days. But yeah, it's just a weird, like whole feeling going in, like okay, well, this is it. Like you know, I do this while the injections are leading up to, and so I go and I sit down, like you know, a table and the other picture. I'm like okay, and so I lay there and they do everything and I have to sit there for like I'm like 20 minutes or something, just to you know, kind of relax and as much as I can in the situation. Um, and then we go home and I'm like okay, it's just so.
Scott Lovingier:ou can see aiden at feeling at 8 cells big yeah, you know yeah like that's a crazy thought yeah yeah, you know, we actually have the picture oh, wow yeah, it's so cool it's.
Alycia Lovingier:It's insane it's really insane to like not not yeah eight like eight cells yeah like that's how crazy so I mean, like that transfer happened and then a couple days later we had a situation we had put one of our pets down okay, and that was really hard because it was, like you know, one of my, not my favorite, but you know he, he liked me the most, whatever cats um, so we had to put him down, like two or three days after the fact, um, but you have to wait when they do the transfer.
Alycia Lovingier:You have to wait 10 days before you can, like you're supposed, to do any testing, any, like you know, pregnancy testing, because they they want to make sure it takes right and so even if you took, like a pregnancy test seven days in, it could still come back negative so basically they had to wait for it to attach to the uterine wall, right, okay, yeah, the body kind of like gotcha, um, so I remember.
Alycia Lovingier:It's funny because I remember the day. I'm like, okay, well, this is it. Like this is the day, this is day 10, you know, obviously, with the emotions of having to put one of our pets down, there's a lot of emotions going on Like those, like two, like weeks basically.
Scott Lovingier:She fell down the stairs like two days after the transfer and. I'm like yeah, first thought was like okay, are you okay? Second thought was like we've probably lost the transfer Right. That's kind of I mean honestly that that was a huge fear.
Alycia Lovingier:So I was like I may have, just like you know, just because I slipped and missed a stair, you know, um, luckily it wasn't like the full thing of stairs but it was enough to worry.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Still you don't want to jolt the womb. I mean it's not, it was not yeah.
Alycia Lovingier:And so, like I remember, I was hanging out with my mom. We went to go to the breakfast and I'm driving home from work Not from work, I'm hanging out with my mom, excuse me and it's like an hour drive right. So I'm like I have nothing on my mind Because I had to go get a blood test done. We're in the hospitals right there. So I got a blood test done to confirm you, for the results to come back, and I'm driving home and the doctor called me and I'm literally driving, which is probably not the best way to find out, but I'm like I'm driving. I'm like she's like you know the embryo took. She's like congratulations, like you're pregnant. And I'm like what?
Alycia Lovingier:Like it was not how, everything had played out the two weeks or the week and a half before like I was not honestly, I was thinking very negatively because just of how everything we just dealt with with our pet and you know the stairs and everything was kind of like and I'm like oh, okay, like that was. It was just not the answer I wasn't expecting and it was not the perfect time to tell you yeah it was, just it was, and I'm like crying while I'm driving home because I'm like holy cow, like this is for real now.
Alycia Lovingier:Um, and then I called Scott and I'm pretty sure you're like were you like a home depot or something like that?
Scott Lovingier:he was somewhere, Joe we were looking at countertops at a granite warehouse.
Alycia Lovingier:Obviously he's my first phone call. For obvious reasons, I don't know. I couldn't tell how you're. Obviously I knew he was happy, but I couldn't tell how he responded on the phone.
Scott Lovingier:It's just a surreal experience because when you're waiting 10 years, it's's not like oh, it's. You know, we've been trying for six months. You're 10 years and 10 days just to get yeah.
Scott Lovingier:Yeah, I mean the 10 days is a long time to wait.
Alycia Lovingier:Yeah, you know, but the longest 10 days of my life.
Scott Lovingier:So you know, it's just, it's like wow, it's actually finally happening after that long of a wait. Very, very just surreal experience. And then it's a long, 10 months of you know.
Patricia Ruiz:I was going to ask you during the pregnancy was that like weighing on y'all, wondering if anything was going to go wrong?
Alycia Lovingier:For me. I don't know if I was renewed as much.
Scott Lovingier:Well, especially I mean in any pregnancy.
Scott Lovingier:You're not.
Alycia Lovingier:Regardless,
Scott Lovingier:You shouldn't.
Scott Lovingier:You don't tell the whole world in that first trimester.
Patricia Ruiz:Right.
Scott Lovingier:But there was a lot of people who knew we were going through this process and so we kind of knew. So we had an inner circle that knew she was pregnant before we told the whole world, you know. So we've had an inner circle that knew she was pregnant before we told the whole world. So we told her parents and stuff, because obviously they know we're going through procedures, they're going to want to know. But yeah, I mean, you're still at the back of your mind.
Alycia Lovingier:If every doctor's appointment you're still like….
Scott Lovingier:Holding your breath.
Alycia Lovingier:You know like you're… it's just… and even if it wasn't like IV normal, like it's normal for any pregnancy that to be like paranoid, you know that something's gonna happen. You know, luckily my job was super great with like., during this whole process, my direct supervisor knew what was going on, because I obviously I'd have to take time off of work um more than I like, because I don't like taking time off work but, you know, I kind of had to.
Alycia Lovingier:So my whole like my work, my supervisors were all like super great with this. So I called Scott and I called my mom. Actually then I called my direct supervisor because with my job, um, it's a very physical job and so they told me to not like to take it easy, basically, and so at that point on and you know my x-rays I.
Alycia Lovingier:You know I work in vet hospitals. I can't take x-rays.
Alycia Lovingier:I can't, you know, do any of that stuff.
Alycia Lovingier:You know at I had to be like really far away from all that stuff yeah um, so I mean my job, because I had to like there's only one reason why a person cannot take x-rays at a vet hospital it's because they're pregnant. That's the only reason. So the second I say that to my everyone's gonna know, you know. So I was like I mean, it is what it is, obviously they're. They never really said anything to anybody outside of work, but keeping that like quiet for that long was really it was. It was definitely hard because you're excited, but, like you said, like you're also kind of like you're reserved reserved because you're like you know, anything can still happen.
Alycia Lovingier:Right now it's still super early. I mean even honestly, even up until the third trimester. I because that's, you know, when they're viable outside, you know that's what I was going to ask you.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Did it, did them, I guess I, I anxiety, fear of a miscarriage.
Alycia Lovingier:little bit yeah, because I'm like okay, it was a little more though we knew it'd be hard. Once you hit that third trimester, you're like, okay, is something were to happen? You know it's possible they could survive, they could possibly survive also but, it's still like I kind of make the joke that I don't my. My biggest fear with having a baby is giving birth. I don't like pain.
Alycia Lovingier:So that was also kind of like an underlying thing.
Alycia Lovingier:I'm like the closer we got to like it'd be okay, I was like the closer we're getting to me having a good birth, I'm like I don't, I don't, I don't want to do that part. You know, like that part scared me Cause I just don't, like I'm not a huge fan of pain but honestly, like during the whole process of being pregnant, it was a fairly easy pregnancy, you know, as far as like Compared to what people told you, right, because I actually had a couple other co-workers who I literally had another co-worker who found out the same day.
Alycia Lovingier:I found out that I was pregnant. She found out she was pregnant and like two other after that. So all within like I don't know a couple of months, like four of us all were pregnant at the same time. So it was definitely like it's kind of cool to have like people there kind of going through the same process as you. But I mean again, like I mentioned before, we're huge research people, so I'm like I'm doing all this research about everything, right, like you know what to think about.
Alycia Lovingier:What do I need for my like
Alycia Lovingier:everything.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Is that like your mom?
Alycia Lovingier:No.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Your mom, does the ?
Alycia Lovingier:She's very spontaneous, Really. Yeah, we're both planners, so I'm like that's the other thing. It's like I'm a plan, like you know, plans.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Yeah.
Alycia Lovingier:There's no planning this. So when I mean up and I was like due at the beginning of october, um, I gave birth a week and a half before I was supposed to, which I'm fine with, because I mean earlier I, I don't know I'd rather not be late yeah, um, and and I know that's like super common but it was definitely like not.
Alycia Lovingier:I was still like, even when that was happening, I was still not mentally prepared for that, but the whole process of even just that part of it was just, I mean, it went. It was painful, don't get me wrong, but it went pretty, pretty seamless. By the time between when my water broke to when I gave birth was exactly like the 12 hours on the dot, um, so I'm like I could have asked for a better, like a birth. You know, I mean everything compared to all the complications that are my. You know I had heard people having. I can't, I can't complain. You know, even though it was a long time waiting for that, it definitely like it was. It was not as difficult as I made it up in my mind it was gonna be
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:did you cut
Scott Lovingier:did, you did, I didn't want to for the longest time but uh, Brian Kelly at church um, he works in labor and delivery oh, he does yeah him and Shannon
Scott Lovingier:no, he wasn't.
Scott Lovingier:Oh, but when we were, you know, hanging out with him and Shannon. Brian's
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Yeah, I don't think I ever did for any of my three kids.
Scott Lovingier:I didn't watch Aidan come out.
Scott Lovingier:I didn't want to watch that part, you know I stayed up, you know yeah, I held her hand into that part but I didn't, I did cut the cord. I have like a brief memory of that because obviously you know it's a blur it's like a whirlwind everything yeah, because I mean my doc came in.
Alycia Lovingier:She's like okay, it's time to start pushing. I was like what? That was a lot faster than I was expecting that to be. But yeah, I mean everything went great.
Alycia Lovingier:You know a couple days later yeah, no, he's nice
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Is the feeling exhilaration relief
Alycia Lovingier:oh, yeah,
Scott Lovingier:a lot of, really a lot of relief, a lot of like.
Scott Lovingier:I feel like purpose has really just been given to us. Uh-huh, you know, because, cause 13 years of marriage, there's purpose in marriage and you know, and purpose in church and careers and stuff, but it's a different dimension of when you want to have a family, you know, and you have that desire. Now that he's finally here, now it's like this rejuvenation you know, you know, hits you of like.
Scott Lovingier:Okay, you know, now I feel connected to her more because of it. You know cause? Now we're raising a child together and we have this, we have this little human that we have to take care of and share this responsibility with, and you know, all of you know, as any parent would know, everything now revolves around him. You know sleeping and eating. Lack thereof sleep Diapers and getting him ready for church.
Alycia Lovingier:It's a whole thing, Everything you know, is now he is.
Scott Lovingier:You know, obviously Jesus is the center of our life, right? But, you know, in in our nuclear family.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:He's now but in a natural way. You can't conduct life without right paying attention? Yeah, because you can't do anything on it.
Scott Lovingier:He's now the focal everything because, yeah, he's one of us has to know what's going on at all times, right so now it's um such just this bigger purpose in life now.
Scott Lovingier:That's such a cool feeling you know, I think being an older dad I maybe makes me appreciate that a little bit more than if I'm Um, and I'm not degrading anybody who had kids earlier, right, but somebody who has a kid maybe in their early to mid twenties. You know, like you're still young yourself and your things move so much faster in your twenties, you know now that I'm, you know about to be 42, I feel like I can slow my life down enough. Last night, when he's up at 2 30 in the morning, he's been sleeping through the night. Of course, on my shift he gets up at 2 30 in the morning and I'm watching him on the monitor and he's just making all of his noises and talking and you know and and I'm like son go to sleep you shouldn't be like doing this, but then I go in there and I pick him up and he's still just talking away and I'm just like man, I love you so much.
Scott Lovingier:This is such a great moment.
Scott Lovingier:Still go to sleep, but I'm just slowing my life down and just soaking in everything that he has to offer, and I don't want to miss any moment of that. Yeah.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:I'm not sure it's so much a matter of your age. I think it's a matter that you waited 13 years anybody that waits 13 years for a child. You could have been 30 by the time you finally got a chance. The 13 years, it's that whole process, that whole trying, yeah that. And you kept. Both of you said you know, the Lord said we're going to have a baby. Was that through the prophetic words of them laying hands on you? Is that what you guys were holding on to?
Alycia Lovingier:yeah, it was multiple people who didn't really know the situation that we're going through even before we knew we were having we were going to have issues yeah, even before. The joke was kind of like when we first got married they spoke over. She spoke over the pastor's wife. The pastor's wife was a couple that visited. She spoke over us and made a comment about you know, are you guys wanting to have kids? And everybody who knew us at that time knew I was not yeah not about that yet.
Alycia Lovingier:Um, I was not about that yet, yeah, so people like chuckled when she said that.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:But then well, earlier you said when, when, when you were talking about this a little while ago, you said you thought it was going to be like two or three month delay. It's okay.
Scott Lovingier:Sorry, what was that again?
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:No, no. When you first started sharing the story, you thought it was going to only be a two or three month delay. What was it? 13 years in total.
Scott Lovingier:So 10 years of us like, okay, actively, like, let's start now.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:So the guest of honor has come. I don't know if you heard him or caught him, but we just brought him in.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:I don't know if he'll speak or say anything before we close out. Yeah, he does. He didn't have like a good he'd have a good, consistent nap, so that's not surprising.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:But you got to share your whole testimony and I'm really, really glad to have heard it in its fullness. Do you have anything you'd like to kind of emphasize or share with anyone? And it's like a parting message of you know, based on everything you've gone through, that you want to share.
Scott Lovingier:The only thing that was kind of coming to my mind is towards the end. Here was we talk about in church when God heals you, when He when it's really healing from God, you don't remember what the pain feels like, and and that's how I feel, with him here with us now, it's like he's only.
Scott Lovingier:He's about to be five months old he's only been with us five months, you know, outside of the womb, obviously, yeah and um, but I feel like he's been with us forever, yeah, and I don't remember what the pain feels like anymore. I don't remember what it feels like to go through the struggle and the doubt and the questioning and the tears. I know I went through it, but I don't remember what it feels like and that's how I know that God was in the situation that, in a sense, God healed us of that.
Scott Lovingier:I mean, it's not a physical healing, but it's still a healing of emotional healing for us so he emotionally healed us, you know, by providing a baby for us, and that's what God does He heals you and He erases the pain from the past in the same process, and He's amazing, amen.
Alycia Lovingier:You have anything. I mean just you know. I mean God's faithful, that's kind of his word is. That's the thing is like we can always go back to that, even before this, just seeing his faithfulness and just my, our life and our family's life, like my, my mom's life and all that stuff Like how about his? Healer it's. He's always kept his word. He's always been faithful through the whole process and it's just kind of pulling onto that, even when it was when it was really difficult you know, just holding on to like well, He did it.
Alycia Lovingier:He did it before you know, so he can do it again.
j - Jesus M. Ruiz:Well, with our little guest here, I'm going to close out this podcast and I hope that it blesses some of you, or all of you different parts there's so many different lessons, life lessons that can be learned as we listen to this testimony and you know that Joseph thing keeps coming to my mind. But I started off this podcast not realizing how much this was going to be attached to this scripture. But you said something about that healing and how you kind of don't remember the pain, the struggle and all that stuff and I think that's true, so that you can move on and move forward. But I remember this scripture. He comforts us in all of our tribulation that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort that we which we ourselves are comforted by God. So I think when you need to minister to someone else, you're going to remember it's not going to hurt. You're going to remember more in detail so that you can really minister and then really help bring someone up and give them hope, knowing that God is going to be faithful. So I appreciate you spending the evening with us. We loved having you, we love sharing you with the world and we just love all of you that are faithful here listening to our Father's Heart podcast.
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